It’s not my plan.

So,
I have this thing where I think ideas are mine, and run with them! ha.
About halfway down the road I realize I have no idea where I’m even going…why?
Oh wait, cause it wasnt my plan to begin with. it’s HIS!
I can’t predict the destination if I don’t the route!
So this is me. Humbling myself. To the King of Kings. My Savior, My Lord.
I neeeeed you.
I need your help.
I need your guidance, your wisdom, your strength.
I want patience, kindness, and JOY that abounds and overflows.
I want to not be afraid.
to not feel alone.
surrounded by your angels and filled with your glory.
Just lead me!
I give it all to you!
All of me is yours!

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PICTURE this…

Well, well, well….it’s been quite a bit since I’ve talked to you! Ha. Life has been so crazy, exciting, happy, sad, JOYFUL, emotional, and mostly exhausting. I haven’t really been living true to my tattoo and PAUSEing. Ugh, it can just be so hard…when everything else surrounding you is go go go go. I feel like no matter what Im always trying to catch up! Thank JESUS it is finally summer!!!! Yayy! Ahh, what a blessing in itself! So sundays around here are family days, and man do i LOVE sundays. I could cry right now thinking about it…they’re so joyful and happy, and careless, and an abundance of never-ending loveeee!! It fills my heart with all the missing pieces from throughout the week, the true meaning of family kicks in and everyone comes together to just BE. whether it be just watching tv in the same room, or catching up on weekly stories, grilling out, playing board games, or even(i cant believe im saying this) disc golfing together…no matter the activity it brings my family even closer together and fills my heart with love and compassion and support, in which i need all! I think i might be going through a rough patch in my life. Now dont fret, its nothing to worry bout, stop that,,, i can see you worrying through my computer screen!! haha. mom. but just a spot in my life where Jesus is trying to bring be to a better and closer relationship with Him, and in order to do so Im being tested, drilled, questioned….how bad do you want Me? How bad do you want this? how bad to you want others to join with us in My Kingdom? Gosh, and when Jesus brings a challenge the devil sends an army. he wont win. he never does. My God is STRONGER than all of this!! And the best part is He’s on MY SIDE! :) HA! take that. But really,,,it’s been a struggle…but I will make it through all of this, its just hard right now! I feel like ive been someone who im not and apologize to all those who know me and love me. Im not trying to hurt you or push you away, its just been hard. And the devil CAN and WILL find any way to destroy anything good in my life. And i know im not fighting this alone, but sometimes it feels like it. so its hard to take anyones perspective cause they dont know what Im going through. Ahh, gosh, life on earth….such a joke. I cant waitttt to be in heaven! No worries, no stress, just JESUS! gonna be GLORIOUS!! SO while you’ve been gone, LOTS has happened.
PICTUREEEE TIMEEE!

We had a birthday,
MY BEST FRIENDDDS BIRTHDAYY!
TAYS 22 BIRTHDAYWISHES.
the JIMMY(mycar) broke

LanaRae got spayed.
Look at her all INNOCENT!
INNOCENT. my food for april was chicken quesadillas,homemade guacamole,
and homemade banana pudding! mhmm, yeah is right! i hope your mouth is watering! haha.

GUACAMOLE.

BANANA PUDDING.QUESADILLAS.
we had a doggie pool day, and gosh was it sooo much funn!!

I got new TOMS!!
YAYYY!
I rearranged my room!

ME & TAY HAD MUSTACHE ADVENTURES!!!

hahahahaha. bustedd.our mustache wall!
and of course everyday with this guy makes me smile even MORE! :)
couldn't be more BLESSED!

IF ONLY…

If only I could freeze time.
If only I could start all over.
If only I could change the past…
But I can.
It’s not totally hopeless.
Things can be changed.
Things can be altered.
I can choose what I want,
and when I want it.
I just wish I had done things different.
I wish I had done things right.
I know everything seems so perfect,
but its really not.
I want to be home.
Surround and wrapped by comfort and love.
I want to be somewhere where nothing can touch me.
Thats why I have my best friend.
His name is Jesus.
He saves ME.
He lifts ME up.
He carries ME.
He holds MY hand.
He walks with ME.
He listens to ME.
He leads and guides ME,
to the places I need to be
and the steps I need to go
He shows ME what to do,
He shelters ME.
And all I need is HIM.
So why do I fill my heart with the things of this world.
The distractions, the chaos the clutter.
Its just empty hollow meaningless things.
Until you find His JOY!
Ahh HIS JOY!
It’s a bountiful, never-ending, ceaseless glow.
It can fill a room and envelop a space.
It goes wherever I go.
It leads me to those who are lost,
seeking to be found!
And fills their hearts with a KNOWN happiness!!
It brings me tears!
It brings me laughter!
It brings me…
HOPE
JOY
PEACE
COMFORT
LOVE
And smiles all around!
I honestly don’t know what I’d do without HIM.
If only…
It was the same for everyone else.

The Impossible.

So if God can do the impossible…why don’t we treat Him that way? If he can move the mountains and heal the sick, then why do we take it upon ourselves to do the work? We are tiny. Literally a spec of dirt in His vast world, and somehow we think we can fix things on our own. Sorry to break the bad news, but we can’t! If we as Christians believe in Christ then we must put our faith in His hands, and let Him do want he died on the cross to do. To save lives, to work in hearts, and to be the Almighty one who can change ANYTHING! This is His story are we merely living in it. He wants to hear our problems, he wants us to go to Him with pain, we truly cannot do it ourselves! So today take a leap of faith and surrender one of your problems to God. Completely let go of it and give it up to Him. See what happens! He has our best interest at hand. On that note…hope ya have an AMAZINGG God blessed day!

Gracious Giver.

Lord lift me higher, bring me into your presence! Your mercy, your grace, your hope, your peace. Work in me. Use me and teach me. I long to draw closer to you! I can do all things through you who gives me strength. When I’m weak, you pick me up. When I’m broken, you love me. Unconditionally. Unfold your love in my life. Help me to be patient and kind. Humble and strong. I long to desire you! Be my strong tower. Your grace is pouring out into my life…over and abundant! Im ready to live the joyful life you have laid out before me. I want to follow in your footsteps and be who you made me to be! I want to shine that light you lit in me! Be my savior, be my father!

It’s like a book.

From beginning to end.
It’s like book.
With an introduction, a middle, and an end.
Starts at one point on the line, goes up the hill, comes back down, and proceeds to just stop.
But there’s so much more than just that…
The drama, the juicy details, the happiness, the hurt.
You feel liberated at one point and depressed the next.
Life.
It rolls out exactly the same.
But in our story there’s this man.
Who never leaves the plot.
He’s there when you laugh, you snort, you get excited, and when you cant stop smiling.
He’s there when you hurt, you cry, you lie, and when you betray.
He’s watches you live, watches you encourage, watches you help, and watches you shine.
He watches you judge, he watches you hate, watches you burden, and envy.
All he wants is you, all of you! To hand over and let him mold.
His potter hands wants to make an AMAZING masterpiece of your story.
He knows our actions, our thoughts, our weaknesses, and our strengths.
And He wants to be there to guide us along the way.
As childlike as this sounds…there’s this light inside of me.
A light that doesn’t want to be smothered or put out.
But its little right now, barely able to keep lit.
Why is Satan so deceiving?
He sits, watches, and waits.
Till your living of the world, till your at your lowest, and lost.
And the thing is…you dont even realize it.
You think life’s great, that all is working out.
Your happy, your living, your going about life just like everyone else.
Except theres this little bit of unsureness.
You cant quite put your finger on it, but its there.
Yeah, thats Satan.
Saying “oh your fine”, “life’s great”, “look at all your friends”, “its just a pill, its just a boy, its just something to drink”.
Then you’re hooked.
Then you’re broken.
Then you’re hurt.
But then there’s God…
Who wants to see you happy, laughing, joyful, and living!
Living a life thats worth something, that you don’t have to think twice about!
Thats the way that I’m longing to live!
That simple, blissful, humble life.
It sure is hard, but I know He’s there to help me along the way.

Role Playing.

Sometimes it feels like people are just role playing. Actually that everyone’s role playing. Life’s one big performance and everyone is picking anc choosing their parts. Like they have decided in their head who they want to be. Not who they actually are…but a combination of images, personalities and characteristics that they think themselves to be. What they wish they were, or what they have deceived themselves into actually being. When does it all stop? The lies. The fakeness. The confusion. It MUST be tiring. Sometimes they start to forget what day it is and the personality they’re supposed to be playing. Which then creates more confusion to the person watching it all fall apart. Do they know we know? That some days they are the put together, got it all under control dont need your help role…then turn around later that day and are needy, never can do it, please help me role. It’s quite complicated. Maybe they dont even realize it happening. That they are playing the role of someone that they are not. It just seems so wrong. Like trying to fit a square in a circle, or a puzzle piece in the space of another piece. Is it cause they dont know they have a purpose? That they were created they were created for a reason! There’s a bigger plan than us. And it all works together perfectly! Oh well…I guess I’ll just let them be who they wanna pretend to be until it all starts to become mundane. A life living for nothing. Emptiness. Sadness. Depression. Let’s hope we arrive to that point soon! Or else…there might not be enough time!


FOREVER.

Who I wanna be and who I am.
two completely different people.
I seem to be stuck in the grey area.
I was always told that area is no good,,,
to  stay where I could be seen by others.
to be encouraged, to be loved.
why do I keep straying away.
I’m in LOVE with this man named Jesus.
he brings me hope. joy. peace. and love enduring forever.
who would ever ask for more?
I strive to live in the light of Christ.
to be like Him, to care like Him, to love like Him.
I’m trying my hardest to not fall.
only HE can give me strength.
its so tough at times.
but its those times that I’ve always come out stronger.
I tend to walk the narrow path.
it’s longer.
but I know it’ll take me to where I need to be.
it’ll watch over me.
like a guardian angel.
protect me from the fear.
my fear is the darkness.
I cant take it.
thats when I call His name.
when the lights are off and Im too myself.
to save me from this world.
it feels like forever.
but I know He’s there.
and I know He cares.
the morning will come soon enough.
and that light will shine so bright that everyone will see,
the joy in my heart that will forever be!

WAKE UP!

Wake upp christians! This is not the old testament anymore! This is new testament, new age, new milenia day and time! We aren’t bible beaters anymore, and we aren’t wearing garments that hang to the floor and towels around our heads anymore (no offense disciples)! We do have chacos now,,,and that’s about the only thing that connects us with the past! That and the love that Christ offers! The people that we are trying to reach aren’t raised in an age knowing Christs’ name! Not only do they not have Jesus their hearts…but they have no grasp of who that even is! A celebrity? A new singer? Or maybe a new addition to the jersey shore cast? Its crazy to think that there’s all this love to spread and its staying idle within our hearts! Why are we not going crazyy and telling everyone like its the new hookup, or oh myy did you hear…I wanna be shining the light of Christ so bright that people need shades on! Haha. Now a days our goal is to be as much like them as much as we aren’t! How will they ever know Him unless we’re the ones setting the example right beside them. We have to be in midst of what they’re struggling with and strong enough to stand up for our own beliefs all at the same time! Christ didn’t send us here to go amongst the christians. He sent us here to go amongst the poor and the needy. The ones who DON’T know Him. The ones who have pains and struggles. I’m not saying christian friends aren’t vital! Because they most certainly are,, we have those friends to encourage us, keep us stable, pray for us, and fellowship with! I don’t know what I would do without my tight knit group of girls who challenge me in my faith. I lovee it! But I use my faith, my trust, and my strength the most when I surround myself with those know don’t know Christ’s love like I do, and deep down know that’s the only thing that will fill that void, that empty hole in their life! That’s why God sent me here…not to walk amongst the christians…but to walk amongst the sinners, cheaters, liars and beggers! That’s when I call on HIM the most!

Heart it races.

Sitting here. Stuffy nose. Cute scarf. Down comforter. All snuggled in, just thinking of what tomorrow beholds for me. Pondering on my bible study. God has such HUGE plans for us! Like honestly…has planned out our day,our year, our husband, our friends. Then we have to take our faith and in a sense cash it out in him! Say that we are giving him control. COMPLETE CONTROL. Nearly impossible! for real. To not be able to make your own decisions, or at least say that we decided that on our own is giving up a lot. But thats all He’s asked of us…is to let him guide our path and to follow Him. And funny is thing is, He knows what He’s doing and has our best interest in mind! Why wouldn’t we. I was listening to the radio and the guy said all his life he’s been reading the bible to finish, and now he’s reading the bible to change! WOW. I am reading the bible to put it under my belt and say oh I’ve read that or use it for myself to help comfort ME! Not reading it to go out and teach others how amazing Christ is and what He’s done for them. So…new vision for the new year is to try and lead one person to Christ. Sounds measly and pointless. But it’s a start. And I gotta start somewhere right? Ha. Wanna go ahead and just say that I think I’m officially ready for a boy in my life! Haha. No pressure Jesus. But my biological clock is ticking and I have yet to have a boyfriend. Fail. Soo with valentines day being right around the corner it’d be perfect timing! Once again…just saying. Ha. And now I would like to give a shout out to THE HUCKS! Hoot Hoot. Andrew.Emily.Turner.Elle Kate.Schuyler. GETT IT! They make my life so much more joyous! Their fun, laughter, and smiling faces greet me every morning and start my day off just right! lovee it & love them! It will be a sad sad day to leave. So lets not talk about it. But just want to say that they are the BEST! Kay well gotta get up in the morning to babysit. bright and early. Four in the AM could not come any faster. So adios peeps. SAHWEET DREAMS!
BOOM ROASTED.

christmas cheer.

to live. to laugh. to love. HA. so dang cliche! why not just say, be crazy. be funny. and show love to everyone! much better motto. I’ve got the joy joy joy JOY down in my heart, and it’s down in my heart to stay! I’ve been so happy recently and it’s all thanks to our one and only mighty savior and king! He is exalted and lifted high above everyone. It’s kinda nice knowing He’s my safe place. Where nothing can touch or hurt me. That as long as I trust in Him, He is holding me in his arms safe and sound! I should have no fear because He is with me…AT ALL TIMES! Craziness. That’s so considerate and loving of Him! But anywhoo, trusting God with my love life and letting Him take over the steering wheel! Hard move, but smart move! Gotta remember He deserves every single aspect of us, and not only that He wants all of it! I pray for the strength to live according to His word and the desire to do His will. Can’t wait to go down to louisiana! Ahh! Gonna be so much fun. JOY all over the place! I love huge family gatherings, and christmas, and giving presents! Such a happy feeling. It’s not only gonna be great…it’ll be stupenddous! Cannot wait! oh and LOVEEE my tattoo. truly amazing Lord. perfect spot. perfect choice of my handwriting. perfect word. wow!

My hope.

My hope. Is to be Christ-like. To be perfect in His eyes, and do no wrong. To live according to His word and follow in His footsteps. The wide, deep, and filling footsteps. the kind that overwhelm your tiny little feet once you step into them. It kinda feels like home. A safe place. A place of comfort. Somewhere where you know you belong. I want to be part of a bigger picture. One that reaches out a hand to others and helps them up when they’re in need. I want to speak up. Not hold back what God has given me to use for His purposes. I want to live a pure life. One thats filled with joy. peace. and happiness. I want to laugh abundantly and be filled with His presence. I want to live by the fruits of the spirit. Lord, use me! Teach me! Be my hands and feet. Guide me! Help me to have patience. And help me to dive deeper into your word each and every day. This is my hope.

PAUSE.

Stop moving. Stop the craziness. Stop following others. Stand strong. Stand firm. Stand up for everything you believe in. Start believing that you have what it takes…not just to change others, but to change yourself! Humble yourself enough to think that maybe God has bigger plans for us than we do for ourselves! Trust me. It’s hard to say, and even harder to do! I don’t want to live for this world any longer. My heart belongs to the one and only Jesus Christ and I want everything I do to be unto him! My actions, my words, my thoughts…all to honor and glorify His name. I want to play in the rain! To sing and dance in the rain. To twirl around like a little girl in a ballerina dress in the rain. Not just any rain though, grace like rain. Grace that falls down upon me and washes all my sins away! Like Jesus just showering me and covering me with His love. A Love that goes way beyond physical love though. An emotional love that goes straight to the heart and heals any wounds. A love that is eternal and never ending! That is there when you’re down and cant get back up. He’s there to pick you up and be your hands and your feet. To guide you in the way that you should go. To light your path! Just PAUSE. Stand there and be still. All He wants is for you and me to be happy! To give us everything we ever wanted! For us to have joy and peace and love! To be happy and shine that light for others to see! To spread like wildfire. Like a contagious plague that consumes us from the inside out! To live life for Him! Do it! I’m trying! So why not?

FAITH.

“Now faith is being being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

God I have faith in you each and everyday! I trust in you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding! You are the way the truth and the life, and nothing can come between us! You are a miracle worker and a healer!  You make all things new! Your words are like water to my soul and I thirst for you! I want you to be there each and everyday guiding me through the paths you want me to take! Please help me God to decipher right from wrong or what is good for me and what is not! Cause many times i have fallen from not leaning on you and relying that you have me in your hands at all times! It’s like your just sitting there holding this precious new born baby trying to be oh so careful that  she doesn’t awaken! Thats how I picture  you holding me Lord. I can’t wait to be out of the sickened world that has been so confused and brain washed by media, the news, politics, schools, friends, music. I want to LIVE for YOU! Not just talk to you every now and then, or say a prayer or two…but to truly live for you! Make everything I do a step towards you! I want to mirror you! I people to look and be like wow, why is she so happy? Why isn’t she getting mad over that? What does she have that I don’t? How could she just not care about money, bills, time, boys, her social life? That’s who I want to be! Someone who has given everything up to God and it totally and fully reliant on HIM! Someone who trusts without a doubt that he has a plan and that it’s all under control! Go today and live fearlessly! Give abundantly! Laugh loudly! Don’t worry or stress! As long as you’ve given it all to Him, He’s gonna take care of you! Promise!

……this is my prayer to you!

ROMANS 5:1-5

“Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” ROMANS 5:1-5

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” MATTHEW 6:34

CHANGE.

Hello hello hello! So lately I just haven’t been in the blogging mood…sorry to all my three readers out there! haha. Life’s been crazy lately and time has succeeded in flying by! So just as an update love life=dead. ha. No boys for now, just me and Jesus! Which is completely okay with me. I think time is needed for me to get back in the loop with the J-man. Get my priorities straight and live the way that I should be! Today is going to be a fabulous snowy day! Perfect day for cleaning, doing some homework, and hangin with friends later at Quest! hoot. hoot. What could be better right?! Oh my goodness…so my doctor said I have stomach ulcers slash acid reflux and I have no idea what to do! Like eating wise….im clueless! It sucks so bad & I need advice on what to eat. Like what is there to eat when you can’t have spicy. dairy. nothing fried. no caffeine. no salty things. no chocolate. WOW! that leaves me with potatoes, rice, and peas. haha So peeps…this is point where you come in!

:: FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! ::

STAND OUT!

::PAUSE ON MY LIFE::
I want to STAND OUT!
I want to be different!
I want people to notice me in this world!
Not just for being someone who doesn’t follow the trend.
For being a Christian who is in love with Jesus and everyone can tell!
I want that light to radiate off of me!
I want people to say why is she so happy?
I want people to want what I have!
Not as in material things of this world.
For the LOVE and JOY Jesus brings us because we are living for him!
I want to make a change!
I want to make a difference!
I want to impact people by the way I live!
From this point forward I am going to rethink the way I walk…
I’m not gonna sit around and wait for something to happen.
SOMETHING BIG!
I’m going to start “walking out” what Jesus has planned for me!
I’m going to change the way I live!
It’s not gonna be easy…and I’m not perfect!
I’m gonna make mistakes. I’m gonna fall.
But God’s gonna pull be back up stronger than I was before!
This is it!
Here we go world!
Please pray for me and tell me if you have any thoughts!
::PLAY::