THANKFUL.

fear |fi(ə)r|
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that
someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

PSALM 145:20
The Lord watches over all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.

fear to me is a lot of things…
Lets start with right now.
Right now I’m currently all moved in with my grandparetns. And by all…I mean I have some closet space, a place to store my food, a bed, and my LanaRae! Now not throwing my self a pity party , but it’s definitely not how I imagined the rest of 2012 would go. But that’s when I have to remember that this is not in my hands anymore, it’s in Gods. And I’ve been so blessed to have a family that’ll just let me crash their lifestyle for awhile until I can get back on my feet again. What scares me though…is what’s gonna happen next? What’s my next move gonna be? Where’s it gonna be? Who’s it gonna be with? At this point I literally have no answers, and that to me…is scary! I’m the type of girl who likes to have a plan. All figured out and set in place. But God is slowly starting to break me of that. Little by little He is doing things that MAKE ME rely on Him, and put all my trust in HIM! Which has been honestly life changing! I know all this change happening so sudden and so fast wasn’t too convenient for the worldly side of me, but Im so happy at where I’m at now that I’ve given God full control! I’ve been a happier person, and definitely more JOYFUL! And I feel the spiritual side of me feels so much closer to God now than I have in a really long time! Now I can’t let moving take all the credit, me and my boyfriend finally got back in church and he has been amazingly persistent on staying strong and putting God first! Keeping me accountable on living a God-centered life!

So we’ve been dating for over a year now and it’s been amazing!! Obviously no relationship is perfect (which I know I still can’t get through my head sometimes) but for what we have and what we’ve had….it’s been pretty darn close!! Despite the struggles, up and downs, and emotional sometimes crazy me I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING. I love that boy with all my heart and have had the best times I’ll never forget with him! He can make me laugh harder than anyone else and smile bigger than my happiest days. I never really understood dating until now, but being moved apart from living right next door has opened my heart to giving him his space and that space not being a bad thing. Before I thought if we weren’t together something was wrong. But im (slowly) realizing how relationships work, and how sometimes he may just want to be to himself, or want to hang with his friends. Its really hard, only because I feel like were going backwards rather than forwards….but I feel like once again it’s in God’s hands and this is what’s meant to happen. That starting off fresh and “going backwards” a little is only helping us to go forward stronger!

So that leads me to fear in the future..
So I’d say I’m starting to get a hang of giving ry his own time, his space. But here in the next month and a half he’s bout to have A LOT of spacee!! Erg. PAUSE. Let me begin my saying that he has been given a once in a lifetime amazing opportunity to study abroad in spain! Amazing, right?! I could not be happier for him to get to experience Spain! It’s culture, it’s heritage, it’s beauty, it’s views! All the people and the the food! Gosh I couldn’t be more jealous!!! And all while still going to school over there to study what he loves! It’s literally perfect! the only downside……………..it’s. five. moths. Five whole months!!!!! Of being away from me!!  Oh yeah, this is where I get scared! Now I get to be a little selfish (just a little). What the heck am I gonna do for five months?!!! I mean I know I’ll find stuff to occupy myself, maybe. But I won’t get daily communication. I wont get to hug him, kiss him, wrap my arms around him! No watching a movie snuggled up into him with his warm body against mine! No date nights. Literally no physical love. Ugghh. I need his fellowship! Im sure it’ll fly by. And I have lots of family, mine and his, who are all here to love on me while he’s gone….but it just sucks. And the worst part is he’s gonna be way too busy to care. I know he does, but Spain is just going to envelop his everything and become his new life. I’ll just be outta sight outta mind. :/ now i know five months will be forever for me, but for him it’ll seem like nothing! Im happy he gets to stay long enough to really get a grasp and enjoy spain after the initial awe of it all!

So to all you out there reading this, please pray!! Pray for me, pray for him, pray for our relationships with Christ, pray for safety in spain!

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A Little Less. A lot More.

Listen while you read!

So be prepared.
It’s been way too long…

It feels like today took forever to come. And then before I knew it, it was here, ONE YEAR. I have officially been dating my boyfriend one year! And yet it feels like a century. It’s been an amazing, crazy, smile filled journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything! I truly love this man of God with all my heart and can’t see my life without him.

Which scares me more than you’ll ever know.

A year ago today I wasn’t like this. I had my head on my shoulders with no one but myself to worry about. With no cares, no stress, no crazy emotional me. And now…here I am jealous, dependant, fearful, and full of emotions. Gosh I dont know what to do with myself! Im not as confident as I used to be, Im not in church as much as I’d like to be, I have no friends to fellowship with, and I feel like I need ryan to be with me or I fall apart! I dont like this me! I like independent me. Well not like single me, but the way I acted and carried myself when I was single. And Im sure ryan would that me more too.
Just sucks. I need help. I need Christ. I need friends. I love ry with all my heart and cant wait until we have a future together, but for right now i think living next door to each other is hindering our relationship. Just having one another always there gives no room for missing each other, or wanting to see each other, or that desire to do anything because we’re a wall away. This being my first relationship Im still getting my toes wet, and everything im doing is laying down new ground thats never been traveled. So I feel like I never got the story book side. Where I get picked up for dates, and left little sweet notes, and presents for no reason. Now I know im probably being completely foolish and selfish, but sometimes I feel like our living situation has taken that away from me. Which is my own fault.
Hopefully God has this all in His plan, and His timing! Because I surly don’t know what to do! But for now…Im giving it all to Him. Surrendering and handing all I have over to Him. I no longer want to worry or be scared. I want to live free in His glory and joy. I want to hold my head up with confidence and take in every moment I’m given!

LIGHTS.

I. am. BLESSED!

So the new job is absolutely an answered prayer!! Thank you Jesus for bringing this job my way, honestly perfect timing.

But to be real, wasn’t the best at first. It was so much to get done, ya know, checking things off the list to be able to work there and getting all my paperwork finished. Then on top of that it was my last week at my serving job. Just imagine…a bossy, old(soon to be retired), grumpy manager just dwindling down your attitude because you’re leaving his company soon. Doesnt quite put me in the best of moods. But thankfully it was my final and last day ever serving again! No more stress. No more stinky restaurant clothes. No more aprons. No more working nights, weekends or holidays.
Someone got themselves a big girl job!!….well kinda. Haha.
But I could not be in a happier point in my life right now! Not everything is going my way, but if it was then I wouldnt be able to appreciate all that was! So stepping to the side and looking at all that I have to be thankful for has been the best thing for me recently! God has given me an amazing loving family, an awesome sister/best friend/roommate, a loving, happy, full of joy LanaRae and an incredible one of a kind boyfriend! I would be crazy to have any reason to not be constantly thankful!! JOY has graciously showered down upon me recently and its been so nice to regain all that I once had not too long ago!
So in this consistent state of being happy and in a good mood I have found myself giddy like a child! Its back to little things. Like tickle fights. Cozied up snuggling. Bubble baths. Snorting. Laughing uncontrollably and way TOO loud! Haha. Its so comforting to be in the hands of the Lord!
The only tough patch in it all is the absence of a paycheck. Gosh, ya gotta know how hard it can be to go 4 weeks in between switching jobs with just no income. Straight craziness! Let me say. The devil will not win this battle now or ever. I watched him destroy my family with financial struggles and I wont allow him to do it again. So with all that I have in me Im just praying and trusting the Lord to watch over me and have faith He will provide! He always does! I just hope my eyes are open enough to be ale to recognize the little things! But through it all I have been SO undeservingly blessed by my boyfriend!! He has been there to hold my hand and walk me through it. And thankfully he has been blessed to be making the money he needs for his trip and also help me out with dinners lunches or date nights! Gahh, just LOVE him with all thats in me! Cant wait for our surprise trip in october! So excited!! Ill fill you in with more details to come!

Dont forget to PAUSE and SHINE you’re light!!

In His Arms.

In his arms I feel safe, in his arms I feel comfort, in his arms I feel strength, in his arms I feel love. Rushing through me from my emotions in my head to the tips of my tippy toes. Laying there I cant imagine wanting to be in anywhere else…but in his arms. It’s as if nothing else matters anymore, as if the world has paused for a moment and all is calm. As I’m bundled and perfectly molded to fit in his shapes and curves of sleep I feel like nothing can hurt me. That there is no darkness. There is no devil. And nothing is able to scare me. For those reading this who dont know me, Im very much afraid of fear, of darkness, and of anything that could possibly resemble an evil thing of this world. Whether it be a scary movie I watch or even just bits and pieces of a commercial for a scary movie…I just cant take it. That’s when HIS arms are around me telling me that He is there and He is my savior!

“The Lord will watch over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy” Psalm 145:20

So back on a positive note…Im just growing closer and closer to Ryan. At times there are faults, but I think thats just part of getting closer to someone. I start to find out more and more about him and then I get comfortable and realize his strengths, his weaknesses, what makes him mad, what makes him happy and use all those new found facts in ways that aren’t even intentional. Some can be good, and some are bad. But all together I lovee him so much and am so happy that I have him by my side. He never ceases to make me happy and constantly smiling. Yeah everyone has their moments of failing.But I just gotta look past all that and see how much the good days outweigh the bad or just so so days. With tax return coming up anytime now I couldnt be more EXCITED!!! Ahh time to treat myself, finally. Haha. Also my 21 BIRTHDAY!! Gosh, right around the corner. Hello World! Last great birthday till Im over the hill. Ha. Lets make it good! :) Other than all that craziness Im hoping to get off work to go to a conference with my best friendd/roommate taylor! Its her mom speaking in north carolina! ding ding! Girl time/sleepovers/retail therapy/cute coffee shops/downtown/poloroid pictures. Can you say HOLLA! Oh speaking of job, I got a new one! At a sports bar called Double Dogs! T-shirt, jeans, sneaks, and my NOSE PIERCING! Finallyyyy! Gosh I missed that sucker. Getting it re-pierced this sunday, thank sweet baby Jesus! But pretty excited about the new atmosphere, but a tiny but nervous. So here’s to my second day training!
Ya’ll have an AMAZINGG DAY!
PAUSE and let you light SHINE!
<3 <3 <3

STABLE.

So for those of you who don’t know…I, katelyn cooper, have a boyfrienddd! Eeek! Craziness, all over the place! Haha. I’m absolutely estatic! Literally don’t think I could be happier! :) Same boy who I’ve been talking about in previous blogs and he is still being incredible! So naturally I’m already nit picking at the little things he does that bugs me. And not only picking them out, but tragically saying them out loud to him. Gosh I need to get better at that. I want to be sweeter, kinder, more gentle. Sometimes I come off kinda harsh, and even though thats not who I’m meaning to be it still hurts when words are arranged in a certain way. So..on that note I am trying to change my old ways! Time to be humble, more considerate, maybe not care as much about the little things. It is a trait that has consequently been shadowed down from my father to me. I am the spitting image of his personality….BLUHH. Sorry I think I just threw up a little. That makes me sickk. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would say that. All my life I’ve tried to stay away from his ways of communication, and yet here I am doing the same thing I said I would never do. I could cry. But I won’t. I’m stronger than that! God can help me through all this and guide me towards who he made me to be and break the mold of my families faults. It’s just hard. But what isn’t these days. Nothings handed on a silver platter anymore. This new relationship is just starting to work its way into my life, my thoughts, my actions, my words, and especially my heart!  Its so fun to use the word boyfriend! Im obsessed. Haha. What’s even better is when they ask who and I get the pleasure of showing him off as the smile on my face ceases to ever show signs of leaving! Gosh the more I’m to myself the more I think about him. What he’s doing. Where he’s at. What he’s thinking about. Ridiculous right? What’s even scarier is I can kinda….alright no judgement here, or am I literally speaking…but just hypothetically, I could kinda see myself with him the rest of my life. Woahh now is right! I just went there. And yes so soon. Its been like what, a month? Absurd. I may or may not have gone crazy. Outta mah mind! But I just feel so comfortable, and safe, and loved! All aspects of my future husband. Along with loving Jesus, and my family, and my lifestyle! Oh and Lana Rae!!!! Our new little puppy we got together! Which of course there are picture to come. But like I said…just saying! Haha. If ya’ll have any stories to share hit up the comment box! I’d love to hear! And on that note I will leave you with a goodbye, adios, see ya later homies!

Please stop.

I’m over it.
Im over all the questions.
I’m over you having to know where I am &what I’m doing ever second of the day.
Seriously.
I don’t mind keeping in touch….but you are asking too much of me.
If I’m not worried, you shouldn’t be.
If I say I’ve got in under control..
I do.
Please put half of your trust in me…not asking for much.
JUST HALF.
I have my head on my shoulders pretty well.
If you’d just give me a chance,
and stop.
I’m not used to being under this spotlight again.
It’s not fun, I dont enjoy life, and and Im having to watch every step I make.
No Mistakes.
I cant just go somewhere without you asking where.
I can’t just talk to someone on the phone without you asking who.
I swear, IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING!
my life is an open book.
And I’m willing to let you be part of my story,
but only if you let me be the one to write it.
please stop.
or else you’ll only push me farther.

BABE CRAZE.

Oh my goodness! This is ridiculous and I need to stop! I’m literally baby CRAZYY! AHH,,,HELP! I wanna have morning sickness and watch my belly grow and hold it as it gets bigger! I want to clichely rest my arms on top of my stomach as I watch GLEE & modern family! I want to waddle around. I want to dress in cute maternity clothes. I want to buy precious adorable baby clothes as I picture what my child will look like! I wanna sit in the house while it raining outside and just rock my babe to sleep! I wanna talk to my stomach and say cute things and listen to the heartbeat bounce up and down. I want lay on the couch and just gaze at my man holding and embracing his new little creation! I want cute photography family portraits in grassy fields! I want a dang baby soooo bad. And why? Well that’s a darn good question! A…I would need a baby daddy, or better yet a husband. Yeah thats it, a husband! haha. But first I gotta start as simple as a boyfriend. Uhh, thats where the problem lies. Why is it that I’m bout to finish my sophomore year of college and still have yet to have a legit boyfriend? And by boyfriend I’m talking…someone who asks me out/it’s official/we’re dating/dinner & movies/holding hands/ actual emotions/hooking up/ THE WHOLE SHAA-BANG! Not just the last one….so sad. my life needs to get it together in the boy department. it’s lagging big time. I feel like it’s not me though. I seriously put myself out there and be myself. I laugh. I fight. I flirt. eh,,,not so much on the flirting. haha. its just not my thing! I mean don’t get me wrong I wish it was…but it’s most definitely not! So that’s now my new thing FLIRTING! haha. however the heckk I can. it’s on!

precious.