Here’s to life!

Man oh man…
Well life sure has been interesting!
We’ve all been up and we’ve all been down.
Happy moments and crying ones.
God has to truly be moving in all of our lives…
Recently me and my roommate taylor have started her moms new book called Choosing Joy! Gosh, such an incredible blessing that devotional has been! Each day we’ve learned to keep our heads up and not let the things of this world get us down! The little anger moments, or ungrateful moments, or moments where people can be so rude, hateful, or mean. Those are all the moments where the devil has a open door to just come in and steal all our joy! It’s been so hard. The Lord is getting to do something BIG and I cant wait to see what it is! The devil has been testing us and its literally been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life! I can’t so it alone either! With the support and fellowship and my best friends and my boyfriend I’ve been slowly dragging myself through the past couple of days! To put things into perspective…lets start with my best friend taylors roommate moved out. Yepp, the one who moved in to where I could live with Ryan. Well she’s gone now and it feels like all hell is braking loose! Drama drama drama, is all I have to say…for now at least! Long story really short, she is now gone and Im moving back in with taylor, Leaving Ryan alone. But thankfully not alone anymore, one of his good buddies is moving and and hopefully will turn out for the best! When I say best I mean not get on each others last nerve and live peacefully within the same confines. But so far so good. I have successfully moved all my things over and his new roommate is slowly moving all his stuff in! Cha-chingg! holla. All is good again right? HA. yeah right. Work has been awful! No business, so slow, and making little to no money. Getting cut after only being there for an hour and only having one table just sucks. Or having to be there all night and close and getting stiffed twice. You pick…either or both suck. How bout we talk about how incredibly hard it has been on my heart moving out! Holy moly good gracious alive! Its almost as if I had lost my boyfriend, best friends, and every loving family member…thats how bad. Im not sure why its not just easy to go back to the way it was before, but moving in with him just made us that much closer. I feel like it made us closer, stronger, and more loving as a couple. And now that Im having to leave that it feels like my hearts just being ripped out. Or that Im losing my best friend. Thankfully God has been there through all of this and setting aside my emotional wreck I will be fine and we will both get through this stronger than we were before! Its just gonna take time, and support. As much as its gonna suck, I think in the end we will be so much happier. And not to mention we still live right next door and are getting a house within the next 6 months. Crazy right? so I think I can manage…maybe. Ha.

So with this joyful looking forward attitude…I would like to say that I cant wait to be living with taylor! Now that we’ve experienced living with others, its now time to put our situation back to the test! Except this time more prepared than before! We know more about each other and our ways and I feel like we’re on the same page again! Holla holla. Thank Jesus for friends! I cant wait to have girls night, sleepovers every night, friends, gossip girl, pretty little liars, paint our nails and straighten our hair,you name it and thats us! So now not only are we reuniting but so are our precious little ones! LanaRae and Bentley are SO excited! Ha. Playtime all the time!

So cross your fingers and say a prayer for us! Cause this is gonna be one heck of a ride…

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In the arms of love.

Gosh, I’ve just been showered with blessings these past couple days! SO much has changed. For better, for worse…I’m loving it all! God has started moving my life in this new direction that has truly been AMAZING! School is going along smoothly and work is…well work is work! ha. For some reason its been so dead. Idk if people are just starting to eat healthy or dont have the money to go out, but its not looking too good for my bank account.  Ha sad day. On the flip side though there is this boy. :) Unlike any other boy that I’ve come across. Crazy right? I thought they were all the same. He’s been sweet,caring, thoughtful, observant…im sure I could keep going. But i’ll save you the time, who wants to hear all that mushy nonsense. Ha not me…thats for sure. But somehow i’ve gotten over that wall. A lot of walls actually. It’s crazy how i’ve only known him for like 2 weeks and it feels like years. I’ve been so happy!! I can’t quite seem to wrap my head around what it is that gets me. His personality, his looks, his charm? But when I’m not with him I get so excited to be with him, then the second I’m with him I’m nervous. Is this how all this works?! That turning in your stomach that wont go away. Haha. Its definitely different, but a good different! Im used to having this empty feeling, like playing a role that leads to a dead end. And now that road is like boundless compassion. I can feel God walking beside me through this, it all seems to feel so right. But at the same time my flesh wants to be scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of feeling alone. Scared of allowing someone else to know me. It starts to make me push away, creating distance. I’ve noticed small things that are slowly starting to change though, which has been awesome! It feels so good to not care and just let go. But I dont want to lose control. I like being independent. Not having to respond to anyone. Its more of a pride thing. I can straight up tell you that my pride is definitely up there! It has a mind of its own and does what it wants. Kinda scary. I know I need to lay that down, but its so hard. To humble yourself before Christ and give it all to Him. Thats what we do with prayer isn’t it? Why is it so complicated for me to do it with my life.

Please stop.

I’m over it.
Im over all the questions.
I’m over you having to know where I am &what I’m doing ever second of the day.
Seriously.
I don’t mind keeping in touch….but you are asking too much of me.
If I’m not worried, you shouldn’t be.
If I say I’ve got in under control..
I do.
Please put half of your trust in me…not asking for much.
JUST HALF.
I have my head on my shoulders pretty well.
If you’d just give me a chance,
and stop.
I’m not used to being under this spotlight again.
It’s not fun, I dont enjoy life, and and Im having to watch every step I make.
No Mistakes.
I cant just go somewhere without you asking where.
I can’t just talk to someone on the phone without you asking who.
I swear, IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING!
my life is an open book.
And I’m willing to let you be part of my story,
but only if you let me be the one to write it.
please stop.
or else you’ll only push me farther.

INSERT HERE.

The pressure to have titles is killing me. To have a boyfriend. To have a fiancé. To have a husband. What’s the point. Everyone’s giving these temporary people in their life their all. With nothing left for the one who they’ll be with in the end. Such a worldly mess. So I try and weed out all the jerks, the cocky ones, the immature little boys. Which should leave me with the sweet, caring, kind ones right? But no…it leaves no one. The bad boys are too cool to ask and the good boys aren’t smart enough to ask. For the rare few who do decide to take on the risk and ask,,,I always decline. Just my personality. Why do I push boys away. I want someone (let me rephrase) I need someone who will be persistent no matter what. The ones who wanna get close I only push farther. They become distant and that’s when I long for them more. Its all a game. Win or lose. A challenge if you must. With obstacles left and right. It will all be coming together perfectly like a puzzle at one point. Then the next is a jumbled up word puzzle that impossible to unscramble. Emotions are careless. They have no true definition. The moment, the action, the words, are what define true emotions. And why base a relationship on an unsure thought. A foundation made of sand. Its dumb if you ask me. Just live life. Don’t tie yourself down to one person. Forget titles. Screw labels. Have funn and test the waters. That way you don’t wind up hurt in the end. Alone and hopeful. Lifes not always handed to ya on a silver platter. Just gotta live loose. No strings attached. No heart breaks. Puzzle solved. Game over!

ROUGH.

Honest to blog.
With finals here and school winding to an end, it seems that nothing wants to come easy. The family I live with left to the beach and I get to manage their kids to and from, back and forth, morning and night, meals, school, the whole sha-bang. CRAZY is an understatement. I feel pressured. I feel stressed. But I can only imagine everything that this family has to go through on a daily basis. kind of ridiculous. its always something. on another note though…me and my dad got into a fight. story of my life. so not too confident on moving back home now, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see! i’ve given it to the Lord and its in His hands now. So if all were to go as planned,,,i’ll go home, mend that relationship this summer, spend quality time with my family, and make some lasting memories. snappy tomato is treating me well i guess. cant believe Im there for the second time in my working career. just lovely! oh and my boy situation sucks. non existent. blank. empty. doug is dumb & immature. why are guys so good at this game. ugh. makes me sickkkk! slash a new tattoo desire is rising up in meh. hmm, what to get and where to get it is now the question. im pretty sure I would like the verse psalm 145:20 all written out,,,just don’t know where. so exciting!!
SCHOOLS OUT!
SUMMER IS HERE!
LET’S GET ITTT!

BABE CRAZE.

Oh my goodness! This is ridiculous and I need to stop! I’m literally baby CRAZYY! AHH,,,HELP! I wanna have morning sickness and watch my belly grow and hold it as it gets bigger! I want to clichely rest my arms on top of my stomach as I watch GLEE & modern family! I want to waddle around. I want to dress in cute maternity clothes. I want to buy precious adorable baby clothes as I picture what my child will look like! I wanna sit in the house while it raining outside and just rock my babe to sleep! I wanna talk to my stomach and say cute things and listen to the heartbeat bounce up and down. I want lay on the couch and just gaze at my man holding and embracing his new little creation! I want cute photography family portraits in grassy fields! I want a dang baby soooo bad. And why? Well that’s a darn good question! A…I would need a baby daddy, or better yet a husband. Yeah thats it, a husband! haha. But first I gotta start as simple as a boyfriend. Uhh, thats where the problem lies. Why is it that I’m bout to finish my sophomore year of college and still have yet to have a legit boyfriend? And by boyfriend I’m talking…someone who asks me out/it’s official/we’re dating/dinner & movies/holding hands/ actual emotions/hooking up/ THE WHOLE SHAA-BANG! Not just the last one….so sad. my life needs to get it together in the boy department. it’s lagging big time. I feel like it’s not me though. I seriously put myself out there and be myself. I laugh. I fight. I flirt. eh,,,not so much on the flirting. haha. its just not my thing! I mean don’t get me wrong I wish it was…but it’s most definitely not! So that’s now my new thing FLIRTING! haha. however the heckk I can. it’s on!

precious.

Heart it races.

Sitting here. Stuffy nose. Cute scarf. Down comforter. All snuggled in, just thinking of what tomorrow beholds for me. Pondering on my bible study. God has such HUGE plans for us! Like honestly…has planned out our day,our year, our husband, our friends. Then we have to take our faith and in a sense cash it out in him! Say that we are giving him control. COMPLETE CONTROL. Nearly impossible! for real. To not be able to make your own decisions, or at least say that we decided that on our own is giving up a lot. But thats all He’s asked of us…is to let him guide our path and to follow Him. And funny is thing is, He knows what He’s doing and has our best interest in mind! Why wouldn’t we. I was listening to the radio and the guy said all his life he’s been reading the bible to finish, and now he’s reading the bible to change! WOW. I am reading the bible to put it under my belt and say oh I’ve read that or use it for myself to help comfort ME! Not reading it to go out and teach others how amazing Christ is and what He’s done for them. So…new vision for the new year is to try and lead one person to Christ. Sounds measly and pointless. But it’s a start. And I gotta start somewhere right? Ha. Wanna go ahead and just say that I think I’m officially ready for a boy in my life! Haha. No pressure Jesus. But my biological clock is ticking and I have yet to have a boyfriend. Fail. Soo with valentines day being right around the corner it’d be perfect timing! Once again…just saying. Ha. And now I would like to give a shout out to THE HUCKS! Hoot Hoot. Andrew.Emily.Turner.Elle Kate.Schuyler. GETT IT! They make my life so much more joyous! Their fun, laughter, and smiling faces greet me every morning and start my day off just right! lovee it & love them! It will be a sad sad day to leave. So lets not talk about it. But just want to say that they are the BEST! Kay well gotta get up in the morning to babysit. bright and early. Four in the AM could not come any faster. So adios peeps. SAHWEET DREAMS!
BOOM ROASTED.

to love.

Now I’m not one to complain, but it sucks not having someone there. To be with, to run to, to hold, to love. I wonder what it takes to attain someone like this. Do you need to be pretty? smart? funny? witty? Maybe someone who is known by everyone…or maybe someone known by no one. All I know is that day by day I pray…for God to open a door for that one special person. Someone who wants to be with me, who thinks I’m pretty, and smart, and fun to be around. I wish I had that comfort that most girls do. That acceptance that makes you feel like nothing can touch you. As long as your in his arms, your safe. I want that person who you can call when you get excited! Or when when you want to share good news. Someone to hold your hand and put their arm around you. Its sounds stupid, but I dont think I’ve ever had someone like that. Yeah there have been boys here and there…no one to stick around though. Only hurt. No one who cared enough to stay. And I know God has the perfect person somewhere out there…but it’s still rough to go day after day seeing everyone with someone and still being alone. BUT I guess that just means God has bigger and better plans for me! Plans that’ll take me far and include some amazing guy when He thinks I’m ready. I hope…

LOVE.

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. I’m sure at some point in our lives we have all done this. Just for fun of course! Because never in a million years would we base whether our guy loves us or not based on pedals from a flower! Right? Or maybe we would…my  theme starts to become should I be with him, should I not, Is it good for me, is it not? Why is love so freakin complicated!! How am I supposed to know who’s right for me? Is God going to tell me? Gosh I sure do hope so! Haha. I honestly think it’ll somewhat be like the movies where I get this ancy warm nervous feeling inside and all I can think about is him. Not to a point where is consumes my life, but enough to make me actually WANT to be with him. haha. Because with me I love the chase, the thrill, the whole adventure and journey of getting the guy to like you….but once I have em’ I dont want em’. As weird as that is! Ha. Once they want me and start texting me non stop is when I tend to not care anymore and dont really feel the need to hangout, cause I honestly dont want to! So I’m just waiting for that ONE PERFECT ONE! To just sweep me off my feet and make me smile without even realizing a have that cute little smirk grinning up my cheeks! Ahh! I cant wait!

SCHOOL=BOYS=WORK.

Well howdy doo there! Wow. It has honestly been forever since the last time I blogged. But hope all is well with everyone! Soo…only 6 more classes and I’m through! Ahh! I’m so freakin excited! For those of you who don’t know me personally I’d like to say that I had a major meltdown a few weeks ago and almost quit everything! I was seriously on the edge of just giving up. When oddly enough my DAD stepped into the picture and encouraged me to keep going! Ding ding! Haha. But for real. It’s nice to have pride in yourself and that feeling of actually getting something that big accomplished on your own! Now>>>this is where school turns into boys! Ha. There was/is the guy last semester that I was really in to! He went to pellissippi and is a HUGE good ole’ Christian boy! LOVE IT. Yada yada yada, long story short I messed things up with him, BUT we are starting to hang as friends again! So who knows where that could lead! :) Then BOYS fade into work. AS ALWAYS! I’m kinda sorta interested in finding out more about this guy that used to go to my school! He seems to be fun, quirky, sweet, and a little sarcastic! Haha which is usually a plus! But I honestly don’t know what I should do! Eeeek! Why so complicated. I figure that the first boyyy needs to come back into my LIFE! Perfect! Plan resolved!

CHANGE.

Hello hello hello! So lately I just haven’t been in the blogging mood…sorry to all my three readers out there! haha. Life’s been crazy lately and time has succeeded in flying by! So just as an update love life=dead. ha. No boys for now, just me and Jesus! Which is completely okay with me. I think time is needed for me to get back in the loop with the J-man. Get my priorities straight and live the way that I should be! Today is going to be a fabulous snowy day! Perfect day for cleaning, doing some homework, and hangin with friends later at Quest! hoot. hoot. What could be better right?! Oh my goodness…so my doctor said I have stomach ulcers slash acid reflux and I have no idea what to do! Like eating wise….im clueless! It sucks so bad & I need advice on what to eat. Like what is there to eat when you can’t have spicy. dairy. nothing fried. no caffeine. no salty things. no chocolate. WOW! that leaves me with potatoes, rice, and peas. haha So peeps…this is point where you come in!

:: FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! FEEDBACK! ::

Words That Begin With….

Hmmm…how bout some words to think about….
L::LAUGHING. LOVE. LIFE. LISTEN. LEARN. LIKE. LORD. LIME. LATE. LEGIT. LEGOS. LEAVE.
H::HAPPINESS. HEART. HOPE. HEAL. HEALTH. HUGS. HATS. HEMP. HAY. HOE. HOME.
B::BEST. BUTT. BUCKLE. BAIT. BARN. BOYS. BEAD. BROWN. BAKE. BEE. BUBBLE. BITE.
O::OWLS. ORANGE. OCTOPUS. OVALS. OUT. OSCAR. OPALS. OINK OINK. OATS. OLD. OVER.
P::PAUSE. PLAY. PICKLES. PICTURES. POKE. PIGS. PACK. PARK. PROUD. PHONE. PINK.
E::EVER. EGGS. EAT. ERG. EASY. EWE. ELM. ELF. EYE. ED. ELLE. EMMY. EVE. EX. EGGOS. EFF.
W::WHISTLE. WAVE. WORK. WHITE. WRONG. WOMEN. WALK. WOOF. WIGGLE. WATER.
T::TIME. TALK. TELL. TORN. TOP. TEASE. TICK. TOCK. TAKE. TOSS. TRY. TASTE. TRAIN.
J::JOY. JENKINS. JERK. JUMP. JAZZ. JUGGLE. JESUS. JOCK. JADE. JEEP. JAWS. JET. JUG.
S::SMILE. SNUGGLE. SNAP. SING. STARS. SAIL. SWAGGER. SHH. STILL. SAFE. STRONG.

boys…

Boys, boys, boys! My oh my! haha. Gotta love ’em right? Eh. No thank you! Why are they so weird, hard to figure out, complicated, needy, a-hole’s, hard to get, pushy, emotional, distracting, hott, sexy, ugly, nerdy, short, tall, muscular, irresistible, and most of all the most popular thing on the market these days! Go get it girls! Sometimes i wonder why I was put on this earth…maybe to find the perfect guy, fall in love, get married, have gorgeous babies, grow old together, die together, and spend rest of eternity with Jesus together! :) haha. If only that’s how it went down! I think this day in time it goes more like…put yourself out there, fall in love with a boy, get hurt by that same boy, back & forth, dating not dating, cheating, forgiving cause you don’t want to lose what you feel comfortable with, get married, divorced, re-married, and then die feeling empty cause we let too may guys run over us like we’re something that can be used then thrown away! Sad day right? It’s the truth. Honestly, we might be here to serve our one and only Savior, Jesus Christ, and our goal should be to bring others closer to him through the way we live our lives and reach out to people in need! Once all that is accomplished it seems like God decides to drop some amazing guy into our life like a reward, if you must, for what you’ve done for Him. I’m looking at this situation in so many different ways! haha. Just go along with me here. If your not following him like we know we should…he eliminates EVERY single possibility of you ever having a man. dumb! i had this wonderful guy…that I’ve talked about in previous posts…who loves jesus and truly cared for me and who I am as a person. Let me remind you I’m a little in over my head cause we’ve only hung out ONCE! like one on one at least. So, I decide to make the idiotic decision to kiss this complete random, but cute, guy that one of my friends is friends with! ha. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! and then thought it would be smart to be honest and tell the wonderful guy that i made this lovely decision to kiss someone else. STUPID! ugh. so here i am. bored. sitting on my bed. alone. in silence. wondering what the heck to do. i have apologized to the wonderful guy…and haven’t really talked to the cute random one. The wonderful one said he just needs time…and the random one wants to hang out again. What to do, what to do!
Any advice?!

HAPPINESS.

I have come to the conclusion that life=living in the moment! Yeah it’s always nice to plan before hand….or to be prepared and always on time. But that’s just not my forte. I have learned these past few days that i’m not making the best of every moment and letting little things bug me when it’s really not a big deal. Like pet peeves, or however you spell it, are a different story. haha. But honestly why get mad over something that’s not even gonna matter when we’re dead? Or hold grudges on people when it’s seriously pointless! I say lets all forgive and forget! Yeah? yeah! sounds like a deal to meh! Jesus, Laughter, and being spontaneous is what i’ve been living for the past few days and it’s been incredible! INCREDIBLE I TELL YOU! I don’t know why i didn’t have this epiphany sooner! It’s the best new thing since potato chips! haha. So…there’s this boy. Who i happened to meet through my best friend & quest! If you don’t know what Quest is lemme explain! It’s not some weird online world of warcraft kinda thing…cause that’s just weird! ha. Sorry to all you readers who enjoy that kinda stuff. It’s just not my kinda thing. Anyways, it’s a young life event that’s held once a week for college students. Ya know, to try to keep God first priority in our lives since our schedules are so hectic! It’s your typical socialize, worship, game, and sermon! fabulous. I’m getting side-tracked here…so i met this boy! haha. i think i’m actually starting to like him! :) which is not how i roll. ha. I’m much more of the independent type who has never had a boyfriend. “Talked” to a bunch of boys, yes! but never dated them. So for me to like someone enough to even think…what if we dated? is CRAZYY! ahh, idk. Maybe i’m just thinking way too much into this when he doesn’t even give it a second thought. So yeah…i’ll get back to you on how it goes from here!