Now I know God is beside me at all times, and goes with me wherever I go…but sometimes I wish I could physically see Him. Although I know His presence is always there, I seem to forget when things of the world get in my way. As materialistic items and worldly thoughts start to distract me I start to lose sight that He is RIGHT there. Watching me. Let me rephrase, watching over me! Now I know a lot of christians have a pretty definite opinion on whether or not its okay to indulge in drinking. The arguments are endless. Gosh. But its hard to know where that line is really drawn. At times I feel like its okay…but recently any time I have the tiniest smidge of anything I feel soo guilty! Why the heck is this happening? Sucks. I will have a glass of wine and yet I will have what seems to be this huge burden sitting on my shoulders. Like I’ve done something wrong! Or how bout this, I wont drink at all and go out to a bar and feel like I’m betraying my God. Is it hurting Him that I’m there? Cause I am here to honor and glorify Him…but at the same time I’m to go out and reach the ones who don’t know Christ as their savior! So confusing. Why am I feeling this way? I’ve got to be doing something wrong!! I want to lead, to be an example. But I don’t want to stay in this comfortable little box of mine where His word isn’t being heard. Not gonna lie, I do like feeling safe. But I need to be pushed! People aren’t gonna see Christ unless its shown. Through actions, thoughts, or words. Sorry if I’m repeating myself in these past few blogs. Its obviously still heavy on my heart!
On a much lighter note I’m happy! Oh so happy! God is definitely working in my life and I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me! Also the fair is coming up…and if you remember from last year, I’M OBSESSED! Its kind of embarrassing. To be so fond of rides, rednecks, farm animals, and funnel cakes! Idk what does it, but I cant resist! Soooo closeeeee! Eeek! Oh and school started on monday and so far so good. Lets hope for all A’s right? HA. yeah right. But my fingers are crossed so we’ll see! Painting class has started and man is it gonna be hard, HOLY! stressful. I’ll keep ya’ll posted with assignments and how well they are actually turning out. But do something crazyy today and until next time think of this…
The pressure to have titles is killing me. To have a boyfriend. To have a fiancé. To have a husband. What’s the point. Everyone’s giving these temporary people in their life their all. With nothing left for the one who they’ll be with in the end. Such a worldly mess. So I try and weed out all the jerks, the cocky ones, the immature little boys. Which should leave me with the sweet, caring, kind ones right? But no…it leaves no one. The bad boys are too cool to ask and the good boys aren’t smart enough to ask. For the rare few who do decide to take on the risk and ask,,,I always decline. Just my personality. Why do I push boys away. I want someone (let me rephrase) I need someone who will be persistent no matter what. The ones who wanna get close I only push farther. They become distant and that’s when I long for them more. Its all a game. Win or lose. A challenge if you must. With obstacles left and right. It will all be coming together perfectly like a puzzle at one point. Then the next is a jumbled up word puzzle that impossible to unscramble. Emotions are careless. They have no true definition. The moment, the action, the words, are what define true emotions. And why base a relationship on an unsure thought. A foundation made of sand. Its dumb if you ask me. Just live life. Don’t tie yourself down to one person. Forget titles. Screw labels. Have funn and test the waters. That way you don’t wind up hurt in the end. Alone and hopeful. Lifes not always handed to ya on a silver platter. Just gotta live loose. No strings attached. No heart breaks. Puzzle solved. Game over!
Well howdy doo there! Wow. It has honestly been forever since the last time I blogged. But hope all is well with everyone! Soo…only 6 more classes and I’m through! Ahh! I’m so freakin excited! For those of you who don’t know me personally I’d like to say that I had a major meltdown a few weeks ago and almost quit everything! I was seriously on the edge of just giving up. When oddly enough my DAD stepped into the picture and encouraged me to keep going! Ding ding! Haha. But for real. It’s nice to have pride in yourself and that feeling of actually getting something that big accomplished on your own! Now>>>this is where school turns into boys! Ha. There was/is the guy last semester that I was really in to! He went to pellissippi and is a HUGE good ole’ Christian boy! LOVE IT. Yada yada yada, long story short I messed things up with him, BUT we are starting to hang as friends again! So who knows where that could lead! :) Then BOYS fade into work. AS ALWAYS! I’m kinda sorta interested in finding out more about this guy that used to go to my school! He seems to be fun, quirky, sweet, and a little sarcastic! Haha which is usually a plus! But I honestly don’t know what I should do! Eeeek! Why so complicated. I figure that the first boyyy needs to come back into my LIFE! Perfect! Plan resolved!