Bliss.

This is, happiness!
The season. The friends. The love of my life!

Here’s to 2014! Everything feels so surreal! I have a great job, although I’m still serving in a restaurant…it’s a job, and I make great money! I have great friends who are there for me…whether it  be to vent, to go out to dinner, to go to the dog park, to go get sushi, to catch up with, to have rainy movie days, to dye our hair, or to cut my hair! :) They are there. and I love them! I have a great family, both mine & his! Both there to support me in any endeavor I may find myself in, path I may be strolling down, or jump I may be risking to take. They are there ready to encourage, support and challenge me! And of course I have a great boyfriend! One who loves me no matter what. Who is there to meet my every need (the simple needs of a girlfriend that is) haha. Who tells me I’m beautiful and still seems to sweep me off my feet. One to lay in bed with on a cold afternoon and watch the Lorax. Or to go out and have a fun filled day out and about. One who likes to take me out, and opens my door for me! One who snuggles up close and kisses me softly! One who is patient and loving and kind enough to explain every little part of football, even when I still don’t seem to understand what’s going on. The guy who loves to make me breakfast in bed and wants to take my dog to the park! The guy who makes me smile uncontrollably and laugh with total abandon. Is this real life?? How did I end up this blessed! Trying new things, cooking new things. This is today. This is me. This is my life! And I couldn’t be more grateful!

This is, bliss.

LIGHTS.

I. am. BLESSED!

So the new job is absolutely an answered prayer!! Thank you Jesus for bringing this job my way, honestly perfect timing.

But to be real, wasn’t the best at first. It was so much to get done, ya know, checking things off the list to be able to work there and getting all my paperwork finished. Then on top of that it was my last week at my serving job. Just imagine…a bossy, old(soon to be retired), grumpy manager just dwindling down your attitude because you’re leaving his company soon. Doesnt quite put me in the best of moods. But thankfully it was my final and last day ever serving again! No more stress. No more stinky restaurant clothes. No more aprons. No more working nights, weekends or holidays.
Someone got themselves a big girl job!!….well kinda. Haha.
But I could not be in a happier point in my life right now! Not everything is going my way, but if it was then I wouldnt be able to appreciate all that was! So stepping to the side and looking at all that I have to be thankful for has been the best thing for me recently! God has given me an amazing loving family, an awesome sister/best friend/roommate, a loving, happy, full of joy LanaRae and an incredible one of a kind boyfriend! I would be crazy to have any reason to not be constantly thankful!! JOY has graciously showered down upon me recently and its been so nice to regain all that I once had not too long ago!
So in this consistent state of being happy and in a good mood I have found myself giddy like a child! Its back to little things. Like tickle fights. Cozied up snuggling. Bubble baths. Snorting. Laughing uncontrollably and way TOO loud! Haha. Its so comforting to be in the hands of the Lord!
The only tough patch in it all is the absence of a paycheck. Gosh, ya gotta know how hard it can be to go 4 weeks in between switching jobs with just no income. Straight craziness! Let me say. The devil will not win this battle now or ever. I watched him destroy my family with financial struggles and I wont allow him to do it again. So with all that I have in me Im just praying and trusting the Lord to watch over me and have faith He will provide! He always does! I just hope my eyes are open enough to be ale to recognize the little things! But through it all I have been SO undeservingly blessed by my boyfriend!! He has been there to hold my hand and walk me through it. And thankfully he has been blessed to be making the money he needs for his trip and also help me out with dinners lunches or date nights! Gahh, just LOVE him with all thats in me! Cant wait for our surprise trip in october! So excited!! Ill fill you in with more details to come!

Dont forget to PAUSE and SHINE you’re light!!

From divine to disaster.

So here’s how the week started…
Allright, as many of you dont know,,,I got a new job!!! Yay!! And wanna take any guesses on where?! YUPP, a preschool facility!! Holy Moly Excited!! Exactly what I was just telling you about and praying for! Thank you Jesus! Words cannot describe the JOY in my heart when she said I would be perfect for their school! My major is elementary education and this is literally what my major is all about! Not only am I gonna be obsessed with my job and all the little kiddos around me, but ill be still in school working towards my bachelors and building onto my resume for a career in teaching at a school! BLESSED. Thats really all there is to say about it! So that just built my week up to an all time high! Then the week followed with my mundane serving job, not so pleasant. But on the bright side of that only a week and a half to go! Whoo Hoo! The week started to wind down with good ole family sundays, and man are those fulfilling! Something about bringing the whole family together and all enjoying each others fellowship that makes my heart smile! :) Well the day was gonna end just perfectly by heading down to the dog park with my LanaRae, and well that didnt really go as planned. Walked in the door to a house enveloped in the smell of straight poop. Gross right?? Yeah tell me about it. Her crate, covered. The walls surrounding her crate, covered. The floor, covered. Lana Rae, covered. All in diarrhea. Ab-sol-ute-ly aw-ful. Honest to goodness I dont know how I managed to not throw up. So we get everything outside and my bright mind decides we’re STILL going to the dog park. I wasnt gonna let the devil ruin my good day/week. So we get in the car and about two solid minutes down the road Lana starts squirtin’ everywhere on my seats. Nasty!! I FREAK OUT, to all of you who know my personality, and start to panic…slowing down, putting on my brakes, swerving all over the road, screaming at lana,,,cause im at this point confused and angered. So as I proceed to abruptly make a u-turn of course lana is just rolling in her matter at this point, continuing to cover herself. Gross, once again! So we get home and I’ve got A MESS to handle. Yeah, this day topped my worse days ever chart! Imagine. Thankfully I had my mom there to hold the walmart bag while I scrubbed and wiped and srcubbed and wiped and used at least two whole rolls of papertowels. Gosh what a day. Thankfully I’m now sitting here, writing to you on my clean sheets, in my clean room, with my clean self, and clean Lana Rae laying next to me! Haha.
Until next time…

Please stop.

I’m over it.
Im over all the questions.
I’m over you having to know where I am &what I’m doing ever second of the day.
Seriously.
I don’t mind keeping in touch….but you are asking too much of me.
If I’m not worried, you shouldn’t be.
If I say I’ve got in under control..
I do.
Please put half of your trust in me…not asking for much.
JUST HALF.
I have my head on my shoulders pretty well.
If you’d just give me a chance,
and stop.
I’m not used to being under this spotlight again.
It’s not fun, I dont enjoy life, and and Im having to watch every step I make.
No Mistakes.
I cant just go somewhere without you asking where.
I can’t just talk to someone on the phone without you asking who.
I swear, IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING!
my life is an open book.
And I’m willing to let you be part of my story,
but only if you let me be the one to write it.
please stop.
or else you’ll only push me farther.

FORGET FLYING.

So I definitely like the whole lets be independent, do my own thing, rock this way & talk this way deal. Flying on my own was a good hop, skip, and jump towards being my own individual! Lovee it! And by lovee it I’m talkin bout becoming my own person! The plane ride on the other hand, was a trip. Wow. Officially hate the whole air system. So confused on what I can bring, how many things I can bring, and how to frickin bring it! Then stand-by is a pain in the butt. Lord have mercy on my sweet sweet soul! Haha. None of the flight attendants were of any help. They treated me like I was 12 and dealt with me last! I wanted to punch someone in the face. Not that I’m a violent person. But they needed to wipe that nasty smirk off they’re face and humble themselves. I hate people who act like they’re better than me. No thank you! Won’t. let. it. happen. We are equally the same person fool. So the first plane ride was at five in the morning. Major fail! It was dark, gloomy, cold and there were only like ten people aboard the entire plane! Ha. Kinda sketch. Then comes my second destination! The good ole Charlotte airport. Not only was my terminal ten times bigger than knoxville’s little terminals, but there were 5 gateways all containing 30 terminals! Hahah holy cow! And my luck…I needed to be all the way in E! The very last one. Lovely! So as I manage my way through all the crowds of people at 7 o’clock in the morning…I hear this loud annoying beeping sounds that won’t get outta my head! At first I thought it was just one of those times where you try and hit your head to make that faint ringing tone disappear. Oh no…this was definitely a loud, annoying holler saying watch out, move out of the way! I turn around not only to see who was screaming, but to be almost trampled on as those handicap carts try and run me over! And this proceeded to happen twice! Haha my life, only my life. So finally after 2 and a half hours of waiting for my flight I am sitting on the plane. Everyone is still, calm and collected until the guy beside me screams man I love flying. Hahaha. Of all the people to sit beside me I get the talking, talking, and more talking one. Seriously, no one on the plane was talking but me and this guy. It was a little ridiculous. And I felt like people were getting mad because the pitch in his voice was raised like 10 levels too high! Finally we land. Whew! No more crazy guy talking. Then I get off the plane to enter the wonderful world of louisiana! Ran into my cousin waiting for her plane. Weird! Haha. Then go to call my aunt to tell her I had arrived and where I would be waiting and of course, My phone’s dead! HA. HA. HA. All I did was laugh. Now I’m safe and sound in my grandma’s house livin it up with the cousins. Eating some yummy fried pickles and having screwballs! Ahh, the life! :)

FAITH.

“Now faith is being being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

God I have faith in you each and everyday! I trust in you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding! You are the way the truth and the life, and nothing can come between us! You are a miracle worker and a healer!  You make all things new! Your words are like water to my soul and I thirst for you! I want you to be there each and everyday guiding me through the paths you want me to take! Please help me God to decipher right from wrong or what is good for me and what is not! Cause many times i have fallen from not leaning on you and relying that you have me in your hands at all times! It’s like your just sitting there holding this precious new born baby trying to be oh so careful that  she doesn’t awaken! Thats how I picture  you holding me Lord. I can’t wait to be out of the sickened world that has been so confused and brain washed by media, the news, politics, schools, friends, music. I want to LIVE for YOU! Not just talk to you every now and then, or say a prayer or two…but to truly live for you! Make everything I do a step towards you! I want to mirror you! I people to look and be like wow, why is she so happy? Why isn’t she getting mad over that? What does she have that I don’t? How could she just not care about money, bills, time, boys, her social life? That’s who I want to be! Someone who has given everything up to God and it totally and fully reliant on HIM! Someone who trusts without a doubt that he has a plan and that it’s all under control! Go today and live fearlessly! Give abundantly! Laugh loudly! Don’t worry or stress! As long as you’ve given it all to Him, He’s gonna take care of you! Promise!

……this is my prayer to you!

THE RING!

A ring can be many things! It could be a wedding ring, a peach ring, a ring like at the olympics, a ring like a telephone call, or in my case a purity ring! I was sitting in my room reading my english book for class when my dad made his way into my room and asked me to come into the living room when I had a chance. He needed to talk to me about something! Now when I hear the words, “I need to talk to you about something”, I don’t know about you, my brain begins to go into panic mode and thinks of all the things i’ve done wrong or possibly have lied about in the past few weeks! So even thinking that I would be able to finish the story I was reading was a joke. haha. I HAD to know what was going on. So I went into the room only to see my dad just randomly standing in the middle with his arms crossed, which usually indicates that he’s pissed. But no, he simply says look down. So as my eyes begin to work their way to the table I see a little black suede box. Automatically my brain thinks wedding ring! Ha Of course, what else do girls think about! I slowly open the box to see a shimmering shining ring. With 5 small simple, but perfect diamonds! I’m not the type of girl who likes the blingy and huge rings and earrings. No, no, no I’m much more of the simple down to earth kind of girl! Who loves a little pink here and there! :) But it is the most perfect ring I have ever seen! With VS diamonds the clarity is incredible and spectacular! With all this being said, I wonder why did he do this for me? Like me and my dad have never been on the best terms. We just don’t get along and always butt heads with our own opinions! So to think wow, what in the world does the Lord have planned for me and my family?! It says so much that he humbled himself enough to buy an expensive gift for me and to think how much he actually and truly cares! Craziness!

LOUISIANA.

Yo yo yo my homie g’s! It’s been a couple days so lemme just catch you up a little! Sunday was the most perfect day of my life. Woke up to a stocking filled with lots of goodies, went to church, then went to my best friend mere’s house for christmas with their fam! It was wonderful..extraordinary…fabulous…and all of the above! So let me just sum it all up for you in just a few words…Mere got me a swatch watch and a stocking full of tiny memories, her parents got me a lovely ipod nano and two movies, and her sister got me TOMS! holla! The best christmas a biff could ask for right?! Then let’s talk about the car ride to the location where I am currently sitting. Ha. It’s 4 o’clock in the morning. My family of four is crammed into a mini van with only one row of seats. The whole back of the car is stuffed with a years worth of clothing. Did I mention we’re only staying a week? Thankfully I had sweedish fish by my side at all times! haha. And besides my dad blasting “rush” talk radio while me and my brother are attempting to sleep, the trip was actually not too bad, for once! So here I am streaming to you live from louisiana! Going to the mall of louisiana a little later! hoot hoot! hopefully hit up the urban outfitters while we’re there…just maybe! Kay well hope you have a fabulous wonderful day today…whoever you are! Enjoy life while you still can and make the best of every day. Remember…
Life’s too short to live the same day twice!

Is this a movie?

PAUSE::It’s a rainy dreary morning here, of course. but heyy, it’s supposed to snow…yes please! ha. My coffee seems to be oh so good & extra fabulous as I watch the rain trickle down the window seal. My christmas tree lights are reflecting off the window twinkling against every rain drop that makes it’s way to the bottom. Making my room the typical scene in a christmas movie! cha ching! So here I am..sitting…in the midst of this movie when the door knocks! really? come on neighbors. get a life! it is 9 o’clock in the freakin morning! i have no idea who it even was because i was too afraid to get up and see. but deep down i know it had to be one of my crazy neighbors probably needing butter for their toast or the infamous cup of sugar! haha. But anyhoo, it was Christmas time at my house last night! holla holla! haha. loved everything mi madre got me! Pretty much it was the best night my family has ever had together. Sad? yes it is. but that’s just life. So as we move on to today i can just tell it’s going to be a fabulous day! I get paid today…YESS! so i get to finish all my christmas shopping with the bro. 7 days till christmas and 2 days till we leave for louisiana! AHH! so exciting! but yeah. can’t wait to see my biff. hopefully today. but we’ll see. she works like 24/7 now…which sucks. ugh.

but back to reality….::PLAY!