Always wanting what I don’t have.
Healthy…no. But true.
It’s hard to not get caught up in the whirlwind of one thing after another.
One minute it’s the new iPhone, and in a blink of an eye I have a pup, an apartment, and a basket full of bills. From one thing to the next. And boyyy is it addictive.
A worldly standard at its finest.
And for me, it starts to envelop and weave its way into every little aspect of my life. From something as simple as the way I dress and the color of my hair. Then leaping forward to comparing my relationship status to someone else’s. Most recently I’ve been sucked into this rapid river of lies. The way we spend are free time, the way we’re seen by others, the pace of our relationship. Talk about putting us in a box and sucking all the air out! But having since come to this epiphany, I think I’ve taken a couple steps back and really looked at what I have, where I’ve been, and where I’m striving to go. I can honestly admit that patience is my worst virtue! I mean I just straight up suck at it! Haha. And of course it seems to be fit that patience is one of the key components to love!
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1Corinthians 13:4-7
This is what I desire. To be this for him in any and every way! Day by day I’m proven how much my man really does care. How much he loves me, cares about me, and wants to be my best friend for the rest of our lives! He’s been building his trust back from ground up. A whole new foundation and a really a whole new person! He’s affectionate, he’s kind, and responds instead of reacting (for the most part that is) But I can also take fault for losing my temper every now and then! ;) It’s the little kisses, the “i love you’s”, the snuggles for no reason, the flowers, the dinners, the encouragement and man oh man the support! The way we work out problems and overcome struggles. The way we’re growing in Christ and building towards our future! It’s just truly been an incredible and overwhelming past 3 months. Only looking toward all the blessings yet to come! Yah yah, so why worry right?? I guess it’s just the little girl inside of me that’s scared of the past. Scared of “what could happen”. But in no way is that healthy, for me or for us. So here’s to what’s to come, a toast! All the smiles, the laughter, the joy! The rough times, and the hills. I’m ready to take it on with a new perspective. A more positive trusting perspective. I’ve chosen to forgive and look towards the happily ever after I’ve always wanted for us. I know the day is coming, at least I really hope so! Haha. I just gotta be patient and let him do his thing! It hasn’t been easy and I’m sure it won’t get any easier, but I’m ready to take on that challenge. To me it’s all worth it!! Im so ready to take a back seat to God! To give Him full and total control! He has blessed me with SO much up to this point. The least I can do is just trust Him and have faith it’s all in his timing.
A Christian standard at its finest!