LIGHTS.

I. am. BLESSED!

So the new job is absolutely an answered prayer!! Thank you Jesus for bringing this job my way, honestly perfect timing.

But to be real, wasn’t the best at first. It was so much to get done, ya know, checking things off the list to be able to work there and getting all my paperwork finished. Then on top of that it was my last week at my serving job. Just imagine…a bossy, old(soon to be retired), grumpy manager just dwindling down your attitude because you’re leaving his company soon. Doesnt quite put me in the best of moods. But thankfully it was my final and last day ever serving again! No more stress. No more stinky restaurant clothes. No more aprons. No more working nights, weekends or holidays.
Someone got themselves a big girl job!!….well kinda. Haha.
But I could not be in a happier point in my life right now! Not everything is going my way, but if it was then I wouldnt be able to appreciate all that was! So stepping to the side and looking at all that I have to be thankful for has been the best thing for me recently! God has given me an amazing loving family, an awesome sister/best friend/roommate, a loving, happy, full of joy LanaRae and an incredible one of a kind boyfriend! I would be crazy to have any reason to not be constantly thankful!! JOY has graciously showered down upon me recently and its been so nice to regain all that I once had not too long ago!
So in this consistent state of being happy and in a good mood I have found myself giddy like a child! Its back to little things. Like tickle fights. Cozied up snuggling. Bubble baths. Snorting. Laughing uncontrollably and way TOO loud! Haha. Its so comforting to be in the hands of the Lord!
The only tough patch in it all is the absence of a paycheck. Gosh, ya gotta know how hard it can be to go 4 weeks in between switching jobs with just no income. Straight craziness! Let me say. The devil will not win this battle now or ever. I watched him destroy my family with financial struggles and I wont allow him to do it again. So with all that I have in me Im just praying and trusting the Lord to watch over me and have faith He will provide! He always does! I just hope my eyes are open enough to be ale to recognize the little things! But through it all I have been SO undeservingly blessed by my boyfriend!! He has been there to hold my hand and walk me through it. And thankfully he has been blessed to be making the money he needs for his trip and also help me out with dinners lunches or date nights! Gahh, just LOVE him with all thats in me! Cant wait for our surprise trip in october! So excited!! Ill fill you in with more details to come!

Dont forget to PAUSE and SHINE you’re light!!

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From divine to disaster.

So here’s how the week started…
Allright, as many of you dont know,,,I got a new job!!! Yay!! And wanna take any guesses on where?! YUPP, a preschool facility!! Holy Moly Excited!! Exactly what I was just telling you about and praying for! Thank you Jesus! Words cannot describe the JOY in my heart when she said I would be perfect for their school! My major is elementary education and this is literally what my major is all about! Not only am I gonna be obsessed with my job and all the little kiddos around me, but ill be still in school working towards my bachelors and building onto my resume for a career in teaching at a school! BLESSED. Thats really all there is to say about it! So that just built my week up to an all time high! Then the week followed with my mundane serving job, not so pleasant. But on the bright side of that only a week and a half to go! Whoo Hoo! The week started to wind down with good ole family sundays, and man are those fulfilling! Something about bringing the whole family together and all enjoying each others fellowship that makes my heart smile! :) Well the day was gonna end just perfectly by heading down to the dog park with my LanaRae, and well that didnt really go as planned. Walked in the door to a house enveloped in the smell of straight poop. Gross right?? Yeah tell me about it. Her crate, covered. The walls surrounding her crate, covered. The floor, covered. Lana Rae, covered. All in diarrhea. Ab-sol-ute-ly aw-ful. Honest to goodness I dont know how I managed to not throw up. So we get everything outside and my bright mind decides we’re STILL going to the dog park. I wasnt gonna let the devil ruin my good day/week. So we get in the car and about two solid minutes down the road Lana starts squirtin’ everywhere on my seats. Nasty!! I FREAK OUT, to all of you who know my personality, and start to panic…slowing down, putting on my brakes, swerving all over the road, screaming at lana,,,cause im at this point confused and angered. So as I proceed to abruptly make a u-turn of course lana is just rolling in her matter at this point, continuing to cover herself. Gross, once again! So we get home and I’ve got A MESS to handle. Yeah, this day topped my worse days ever chart! Imagine. Thankfully I had my mom there to hold the walmart bag while I scrubbed and wiped and srcubbed and wiped and used at least two whole rolls of papertowels. Gosh what a day. Thankfully I’m now sitting here, writing to you on my clean sheets, in my clean room, with my clean self, and clean Lana Rae laying next to me! Haha.
Until next time…

BIRTHDAY WISHES.

BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
HANDS DOWN.
Gosh…I cannot put into words all the happiness&joy that took place on my birthday! It has literally been one of the best weeks of my life! So much love and support and encouragement from all areas of my life. My friends, my family, and my coworkers have all made this such an amazing day!! Starting with the leading up to my birthday dinner at hooters with my boyfriends family! Good times with some of the people i love the most! Then waking up next to the one I love, to eating cupcakes and scratching off lottery tickets for breakfast, to then meet my parents for lunch and have my first legal drink and open presents! So amazing! They went above and beyond on what they should have and I lovee what they got me. It was also soo delicious scarfing down my favorite mexican dish while sipping on my strawberry margarita! Mhmm! On to see some cute little kiddos who I oh so love! (You know,,,the hucks,,,the ones I used to live with) straight after I headed directly to kroger to stockk up mah fridge with all the wine coolers I LOVEE! Gosh I looked ridiculous walking through there with all those in hand. But proceeded to make it home safely with all bottles in tact! Then sadly I had to work! :/ stupid me for not asking off! But I still got to come home to my boy making me homemade fajitas with cheese dip, rice, and beans! Mhmm AGAIN! I can never get enough mexican food!! I honestly don’t understand how I’m not of the hispanic race. Haha. :) but really. Then to open my amazing presents from him! So sweet! What a day! Whew! So incredible! Only to wake up the next day to my besttt friend coming home from france! FINALLY I know! Eeek! Got some of the cutest presents from her from london!! Love! So we have been here and there eating out and enjoying the freedom of drinking. AT THE SAME TIME! Just craziness. geez. Its just so liberating and empowering to be able to do so. I’m obsessed. Ha. To say the least. I’m so blessed to be surrounded and loved by all the people I LOVE!

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Don’t wanna be here.

Well…currently sitting in my oh so lovely math class. Writing to you from my tiny little keypad on my phone. Gosh this class is just awful. And when I say awful I mean AWFUL! I hate it. The worst. So boring. Not to mention, it smells! Like gross rotten eggs that have been smoking, ewh. This day has been allright so far. Had a presentation first thing this morning and now in the last class of the day. Hopefully soon to have an amazing lunch date with my beau! Today I’m just writing to write. So be prepared for some rambling nonsense that doesn’t even matter! Not quite sure what I’m craving for lunch. I’ve got some mixed feeling for sushi and mexican but can’t decide. I’m sure you could even say another type of food and it would tickle my fancy. But really, I’m starvinggg! Ahh, gosh. I made the worstt march dinner! Ya know my new years resolution…yeah it was pretty nasty! It looks delicious, but tasted like I was eating a whole lemon. Oh well, guess I gotta fail sometimes. :/ As many of you probably have no idea, my best friendd/roommate is in london! Yepp, good ole LONDON! I missssss her! But she’s off making incredible memories with her fam, sipping tea and looking at art! Jealous, why yes….of course I’m jealous! I wanna be in relaxation world! And especially france! Get me there now! Owah. Maybe one day! But for now I’m just slaving away at double dogs and living the life of the average college student. Eat when can, little sleep, and never ending to-do lists! THE LIFE! I really have enjoyed these past couple days just chillin with our pups and their sweet innocent little hearts! Lovee them so much! Sooooo, guess what! 5 daysssss until I’m 21! Eeek! Holler! I’m. So. Excited! Friday with my bestie, then Saturday with my boy in nashville, and Sunday with the family! Gonna be one of the besttt! Can’t wait! Wine coolers, wine coolers, wine coolers! Until later, hope ya’ll have an AMAZING GOOD FRIDAY! :D

In the arms of love.

Gosh, I’ve just been showered with blessings these past couple days! SO much has changed. For better, for worse…I’m loving it all! God has started moving my life in this new direction that has truly been AMAZING! School is going along smoothly and work is…well work is work! ha. For some reason its been so dead. Idk if people are just starting to eat healthy or dont have the money to go out, but its not looking too good for my bank account.  Ha sad day. On the flip side though there is this boy. :) Unlike any other boy that I’ve come across. Crazy right? I thought they were all the same. He’s been sweet,caring, thoughtful, observant…im sure I could keep going. But i’ll save you the time, who wants to hear all that mushy nonsense. Ha not me…thats for sure. But somehow i’ve gotten over that wall. A lot of walls actually. It’s crazy how i’ve only known him for like 2 weeks and it feels like years. I’ve been so happy!! I can’t quite seem to wrap my head around what it is that gets me. His personality, his looks, his charm? But when I’m not with him I get so excited to be with him, then the second I’m with him I’m nervous. Is this how all this works?! That turning in your stomach that wont go away. Haha. Its definitely different, but a good different! Im used to having this empty feeling, like playing a role that leads to a dead end. And now that road is like boundless compassion. I can feel God walking beside me through this, it all seems to feel so right. But at the same time my flesh wants to be scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of feeling alone. Scared of allowing someone else to know me. It starts to make me push away, creating distance. I’ve noticed small things that are slowly starting to change though, which has been awesome! It feels so good to not care and just let go. But I dont want to lose control. I like being independent. Not having to respond to anyone. Its more of a pride thing. I can straight up tell you that my pride is definitely up there! It has a mind of its own and does what it wants. Kinda scary. I know I need to lay that down, but its so hard. To humble yourself before Christ and give it all to Him. Thats what we do with prayer isn’t it? Why is it so complicated for me to do it with my life.

I’m so close.

Now I know God is beside me at all times, and goes with me wherever I go…but sometimes I wish I could physically see Him. Although I know His presence is always there, I seem to forget when things of the world get in my way. As materialistic items and worldly thoughts start to distract me I start to lose sight that He is RIGHT there. Watching me. Let me rephrase, watching over me! Now I know a lot of christians have a pretty definite opinion on whether or not its okay to indulge in drinking. The arguments are endless. Gosh. But its hard to know where that line is really drawn. At times I feel like its okay…but recently any time I have the tiniest smidge of anything I feel soo guilty! Why the heck is this happening? Sucks. I will have a glass of wine and yet I will have what seems to be this huge burden sitting on my shoulders. Like I’ve done something wrong! Or how bout this, I wont drink at all and go out to a bar and feel like I’m betraying my God. Is it hurting Him that I’m there? Cause I am here to honor and glorify Him…but at the same time I’m to go out and reach the ones who don’t know Christ as their savior! So confusing. Why am I feeling this way? I’ve got to be doing something wrong!! I want to lead, to be an example. But I don’t want to stay in this comfortable little box of mine where His word isn’t being heard. Not gonna lie, I do like feeling safe. But I need to be pushed! People aren’t gonna see Christ unless its shown. Through actions, thoughts, or words. Sorry if I’m repeating myself in these past few blogs. Its obviously still heavy on my heart!

On a much lighter note I’m happy! Oh so happy! God is definitely working in my life and I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me! Also the fair is coming up…and if you remember from last year, I’M OBSESSED! Its kind of embarrassing. To be so fond of  rides, rednecks, farm animals, and funnel cakes! Idk what does it, but I cant resist! Soooo closeeeee! Eeek! Oh and school started on monday and so far so good. Lets hope for all A’s right? HA. yeah right. But my fingers are crossed so we’ll see! Painting class has started and man is it gonna be hard, HOLY! stressful. I’ll keep ya’ll posted with assignments and how well they are actually turning out. But do something crazyy today and until next time think of this…

Morning Dew.

Well…currently 6:15Am and I am wide awake. A miracle right? Haha. For some odd reason I cant go back to bed. Its cool though, I dont get to see the world at this time of day much often. The walls are slowly starting to turn a light shade of blue as the sun creeps its way into my room. And the ambiance of birds are getting louder and clearer as time passes. Not gonna lie, I kinda love this! I’ve got that messy morning look goin on and a fresh brewed vanilla coffee in my lap. Which by the way…best coffee I’ve made to date in this new house! Yumm! Ha. But right now life seems to be easy. Like I can handle anything. Or more like an innocence to this day! The world doesn’t look harsh. It looks mild, calm, and sort of fully rested in a weird kinda way! And of all things a red robin just landed on my window sill. Idk how often all of you see a red robin, but in my case its practically never! Ha. So in the rare chance that I do…it seems like a little glimpse of God in my life! Let me enlighten you…In my old small group we would start off by talking about kisses from the King. And when I say kisses from the King I mean a little reminder that God is watching over us, or something that He did in our week to get our attention and let us know that He is there! For me, a red robin has always been one of those things! Even though they are just a bird, let’s go beyond that fact and look at how I see them. To me they are incredible! Not a common bird. One who leads and not follows. They are strong birds. They sit perched watching all the other birds with their chest up and head out. Like a watchman. Always alert and aware. And their color, so vibrant, so noticeable! It dares you to look and awe at the fact that God could have made such a beautiful creature! I know, I know…its a bird! But to me it reminds me of who God wants me to be! How he wants me to respond. How He wants me to lead. So with my kiss from the King today I hope you go out having a GREAT day and notice your kiss from the KIng this week! Please share as a comment if you care to!