Bliss.

This is, happiness!
The season. The friends. The love of my life!

Here’s to 2014! Everything feels so surreal! I have a great job, although I’m still serving in a restaurant…it’s a job, and I make great money! I have great friends who are there for me…whether it  be to vent, to go out to dinner, to go to the dog park, to go get sushi, to catch up with, to have rainy movie days, to dye our hair, or to cut my hair! :) They are there. and I love them! I have a great family, both mine & his! Both there to support me in any endeavor I may find myself in, path I may be strolling down, or jump I may be risking to take. They are there ready to encourage, support and challenge me! And of course I have a great boyfriend! One who loves me no matter what. Who is there to meet my every need (the simple needs of a girlfriend that is) haha. Who tells me I’m beautiful and still seems to sweep me off my feet. One to lay in bed with on a cold afternoon and watch the Lorax. Or to go out and have a fun filled day out and about. One who likes to take me out, and opens my door for me! One who snuggles up close and kisses me softly! One who is patient and loving and kind enough to explain every little part of football, even when I still don’t seem to understand what’s going on. The guy who loves to make me breakfast in bed and wants to take my dog to the park! The guy who makes me smile uncontrollably and laugh with total abandon. Is this real life?? How did I end up this blessed! Trying new things, cooking new things. This is today. This is me. This is my life! And I couldn’t be more grateful!

This is, bliss.

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love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

in this moment.

No regrets.
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New Obsession.
Elbow Patches.
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Once an artist.
Always an artist.
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Caught in a ray of sunshine! Blessed by God!
Can’t stop smiling, couldn’t be happier.
tumblr_llymw98pzo1qh588j_largeCan’t wait to be married one day.
Every girl’s dream.
To be unconditionally loved.
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SEVEN more days till my new HOME. 3429361297_c579e0d6ea_thumb

KEEP A SECRET…NEW TATTOO=April 15th.



APRIL.

Gahh Lee!!!!
I am beyond BLESSED! Literally, beyond. April here we come!!!
It is gonna be the BEST BIRTHDAY MONTH yet! Taking in each day alongside Christ and I could not be happier! We’ve had amazing beautiful weather that makes you wanna just walk around grinning from cheek to cheek! And I have so much support and love surrounding me at all sides! My immediate family as well as my boyfriends family! I loveee them with all of me and couldn’t be more thankful for everything they do for me!! The past few months have been crazy but with them, Jesus, and my friends…I’ve made it!!
Everything has fallen into place all in God’s timing and I’m sooo excitedddd!!!
Geez SO much going on in APRIL! Where do I even begin?!

THE APARTMENT.
So I got the apartment! Whoop Whoop! Move-in day is APRIL 7th ya’ll! I feel like this new place is gonna change my life!! Haha dorky? maybe. But it’s honestly like a whole new chapter. My OWN place. With my little bedroom, bath, living room, dining room and kitchen! Eeek!! Me and Lana doin what we want, when we want! I can’t wait to decorate everything and get settled in! And I’m excited to paint!! Think I’m gonna do some accent walls. But haven’t really decided on what and where. I’ve been doing some apartment shopping (which is soo much fun when you actually have money btw) haha. And Im the proud new owner of pots, pans, tubberware, cutting boards, a couch, and entertainment center!!! Holy cow.
13 days.

    ...       ...

 

BIRTHDAYS.
So people say April is the month of showers. Literally, yes. Figuratively, most definitely! God has been showering me with blessing after blessing, along with HIS grace, mercy, and love! Not only is this MY BIRTHDAY month. But it’s all of the people I love soo much’s too! Christy, bekah, my brother, and my two best friends!! Eeek! What a great month full of JOY, LOVE, and HAPPINESS!
So…TWENTY-TWO! Whooo Hooo!

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Can’t believe I’m in my twenties already, let alone past the age of being able to legally drink. But with this age, and this month. It’s bringing a whole new light to my life. A maturity if you will. A confidence. An air about myself. I’ll be on my own again and this time it’s literally just me.
Well me and LanaRae. haha. It’s a whole new journey! And I gotta admit…IM SO EXCITEDD!! For everything twenty-two has in store! So I’ve been shopping for the apartment so much, making sure I’m prepared and all…I haven’t really gotten to spend any “me” money!

So with it being my birthday…it seems fit to spill my birthday wishes!tumblr_lus0ffrYcf1qdjl1do1_500_largeUmm….YES PLEASEEE!!!
But I guess these are more realistic…haha.
tumblr_mgbrmvPSnv1s2947uo1_500_large755398-10-1339356379087_largeSo if the apartment isn’t a big enough birthday present to myself…I would love a pair of black hunter rainboots!! Also in love with this purple-y down jacket made by Columbia! Umm…maybe throw in some packages of 600 polaroid film, oh and Viva La Juicy! Other than that…just whatever is cute and petite and vintage like or would be good for a new home!
17 DAYS.

RYAN COMING HOME.
Ahh geez. Lets see.
Excited. Nervous. Thrilled. Scared. Can’t Wait. Vulnerable.
It’s been soo long since I’ve seen his face. Since I’ve heard his voice. Since I’ve held his hand. Or kissed his lips. I miss movie nights. date nights. makin dinner together. waking up next to him. snuggling against his body. being the little spoon. makin out. hookin up. going to the park. going to play disc golf. Gosh the memories are endless.
In two days it’ll be a year and a half.
A YEAR AND A HALF!

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Seems like eternity. Gosh, how in the heck did I get this far with someone?!! Only God! Cause He knows me and my heart! The only reason I’ve made it these past three months without ry, is CHRIST. I love this boy with everythingg in me and cannot WAIT for all God has in store for us! The way he wants to lead us, guide us, direct our path! Our relationship is in HIS hands. But like I said I’m scared. Scared of ever being hurt. And nervous. Nervous to allow myself to be vulnerable. Not gonna lie, I dont think it’s gonna be easy what. so. ever. But who knows, maybe everything will be great and go right back to normal with no hesitations. I want him homeeee! The anticipation is killing me!
33 DAYS.

TO BE.

Smile every chance you get.  Not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the good things you do have and all the problems you know you don’t have.

-Unknown.

This week=crazy!
My expectations have been shattered!
The Lord has done and shown me so many things this week!

I feel loved. I feel whole. I feel NEW!
Sunday is the beginning of the new week.
And my week started with all new wisdom! Wisdom about who I am in Christ, who I wanna be in Christ, and what I want to be for ryan in Christ! To be so blinded by the fact that ryan is gone, I almost missed the biggest picture that God is trying to lay out before me! A picture that will not only help me in this time of need and strengthen our relationship, but strengthen ME!! Wow…hope you’re comfy and settled in a nice little spot, cause this make take a hot second!

So at first I was mad. I was sad. I was angry.
That God would put me in a situation where the (ONE PERSON) who makes me the happiest is a million miles away. With no way of meeting my expectations of always being happy.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
This is my epiphany.
The light bulb that shot off fireworks.
One Person.
He is just one person.
And that my friend, is not right nor fair for anyone!!
I can’t believe I’m the one who was pushing him away, ME!
SINCE WHEN!! Was I this person??
Never in my life have i been a DEPENDENT person.
Never.
And the word itself makes me cringe a little.
Maybe that’s why…maybe that’s why I’ve never fully given all of myself to Christ. The fear of being completely dependent on ONE person. But yet here I am, a person who was depending on one person to make me happy! Ridiculous.

So (whoo hoo) step one admitted.
I’ve been so unfair to completely rely on ryan to make me happy.
Which in the end will just smother him and distance us.
I know, like distance is even a issue right now….
but really, for the long run of our relationship! It’s only gonna make us stronger!
And I honestly have already seen a change, not only in the situation but in me!
I’ve been hanging out with all my friends more, working my butt off, and loving my park days with LanaRae!
Every day has been Christ and Christ alone!! Depending and trusting HIM FULLY every step of the way! I wouldn’t be able to do it without HIM!

Step two, getting into a community. A christian group of people who I can fellowship with and who challenge me to grow stronger in Chirst! Sunday I went with my boyfriends mom to a bible study, hesitant…I was. But OH MY GOSH was it amazing!!!!! Even though the majority of the ladies were married it was such an incredible time of fellowship and digging into their current book, TIm Kellers, The Meaning of Marriage. And even though I’m not married yet…I will be one day and everything they were talking about were things I can apply to my relationship now! Which gets me so excited for the future!! I want to be there spiritually for my husband, and lift him up to God, and encourage him everyday, and challenge him in his walk with Chirst!
Ahhhh!!!
Can you tell I’m excited!!!
God could not have shown up more than He already has! Wow.

So step three, starting to re-mend my relationship with my dad.
Everything is a lot better than it was, and I love my dad
BUT
For now we’re just gonna skip this step….
I still have a lot of praying to do.

Step four, moving out.
Now this has been quite complicated.
But Im just gonna have faith that if this is God’s plan then it’ll all work out and be just fine.

The Color Red.

The past couple years my favorite color’s been red.
To me the color of joy!
Not like a deep burgundy red, more like a bright cherry red.
I just couldn’t get enough of it!
My old bed sheets were my first red purchase.
And each day it was like a burst of happiness!
…wondering if that was the secret to always waking up in a good mood! ha.

But now the color red.
The color of love, romance, and lust.
Has a whole new meaning to me…
It’s sweeped the isles of walmart, target and kroger.
And has definitely weaseled its way right into my heart.
Trying to act like I dont care about valentines day is a lot harder than I expected.
Yeah I can fool anyone at work, being one of the few who voluntarily signed up to work valentines night….might I add that I may have actually been the first one on the list! Awesome, lets make some moneyy. But really. Lets talk about a heartache. Im the lonely girl who everyone knows boyfriend left her here in knoxville while he went off to spain for five months. Sweet. Throw me a pity party pleasee. But seeing all the cheezy boxes of chocolates and balloons and roses. I always end up walking out with tears welling in my eyes.

(why couldn’t God have just made me a boy) Really. No periods. No emotions.

To know i’ll be all alone on valentines just working my butt off to make everyone else’s evening perfect makes me sick to my stomach. Especially while my boyfriend is a million miles away in a beautiful romantic city probably having a lovely sweet wine filled evening with his friends. Once again,,,someone please cue the sad sarcastic sobbing audience behind me.

I just don’t know how well this is all working for me. Distance is not my thing. Nor will it ever be. And to consider long terms here. I dont know if I can marry an INTERNATIONAL business major. That means lots of traveling!! And where I would hope that would mean lots of traveling for me too…I have a gut feeling that means a lot of him traveling and me alone. And not gonna lie, that doesn’t sound too great to me!! At all.

:Sidebar:
So with nothing else to do with my time but drink coffee and knit…..but honestly.
I’ve been running/walking a lot in the neighborhood with LanaRae. And I have to say this has been pretty great for me! I was already a lover of walks, especially since I realized it was vital for my canine companion. But it’s now become a routine. Allowing me to get the daily exercise I’ve been needing and also allowing lana to get all her bottled up energy out! But I’ve recently started leaving my ipod at home. And its been so dang pretty outside, I’ve just wanted to take it all in. Cheezy, yes. I know. haha. But the sundown against all the houses and trees, is so amazing! It feels like God is right there with me!! So with no music slowly but surely making my hearing worse, I’ve started to battle with my own thoughts. Wanting to clear my head and breathe in the fresh air, while also letting a million new thoughts and questions all bombard me at once.
Seeing all the pretty perfect houses makes me want a family more than anything! Anything in the entire world!!! I want a man who’s my best friend, who loves me for me and nothing more, who wants to be there for me when I’m sick, and there to wipe my tears when I’m sad. I want someone who’s happy when I’m happy and laughing right along side me. I want a man who wants to give everything they’ve worked for to raise a family right! I want a man who wants to be a father!! Someone who wants to play tea with their little girl, and throw a football with their boy! I want a husband who puts his family first. Who tucks his kids in with a bedtime story and a prayer…with me right there in the bed with them! I want that smile. That pure and selfless happiness! I want to be a wife! I want to make meals for my husband when he gets home, and have crazy passionate sex! I want to take trips together and enjoying chilling on the couch together just the same! I want to be a mother! Someone who gives with nothing expected in return. Someone who loves unconditionally and prays without ceasing! I want a swing set in the backyard where I can push my kids in the fall while watching my love grill dinner right next to us. I want a family. Soooo bad.
Life’s too short and goes by too fast. I’m afraid of missing my opportunity. I’m afraid he may not want all the things I want. I’m afraid he may not want them when I want them.
All I can do is have faith.
That this is God’s plan and he knows my heart.

I’m just so scared….

THANKFUL.

fear |fi(ə)r|
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that
someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

PSALM 145:20
The Lord watches over all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.

fear to me is a lot of things…
Lets start with right now.
Right now I’m currently all moved in with my grandparetns. And by all…I mean I have some closet space, a place to store my food, a bed, and my LanaRae! Now not throwing my self a pity party , but it’s definitely not how I imagined the rest of 2012 would go. But that’s when I have to remember that this is not in my hands anymore, it’s in Gods. And I’ve been so blessed to have a family that’ll just let me crash their lifestyle for awhile until I can get back on my feet again. What scares me though…is what’s gonna happen next? What’s my next move gonna be? Where’s it gonna be? Who’s it gonna be with? At this point I literally have no answers, and that to me…is scary! I’m the type of girl who likes to have a plan. All figured out and set in place. But God is slowly starting to break me of that. Little by little He is doing things that MAKE ME rely on Him, and put all my trust in HIM! Which has been honestly life changing! I know all this change happening so sudden and so fast wasn’t too convenient for the worldly side of me, but Im so happy at where I’m at now that I’ve given God full control! I’ve been a happier person, and definitely more JOYFUL! And I feel the spiritual side of me feels so much closer to God now than I have in a really long time! Now I can’t let moving take all the credit, me and my boyfriend finally got back in church and he has been amazingly persistent on staying strong and putting God first! Keeping me accountable on living a God-centered life!

So we’ve been dating for over a year now and it’s been amazing!! Obviously no relationship is perfect (which I know I still can’t get through my head sometimes) but for what we have and what we’ve had….it’s been pretty darn close!! Despite the struggles, up and downs, and emotional sometimes crazy me I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING. I love that boy with all my heart and have had the best times I’ll never forget with him! He can make me laugh harder than anyone else and smile bigger than my happiest days. I never really understood dating until now, but being moved apart from living right next door has opened my heart to giving him his space and that space not being a bad thing. Before I thought if we weren’t together something was wrong. But im (slowly) realizing how relationships work, and how sometimes he may just want to be to himself, or want to hang with his friends. Its really hard, only because I feel like were going backwards rather than forwards….but I feel like once again it’s in God’s hands and this is what’s meant to happen. That starting off fresh and “going backwards” a little is only helping us to go forward stronger!

So that leads me to fear in the future..
So I’d say I’m starting to get a hang of giving ry his own time, his space. But here in the next month and a half he’s bout to have A LOT of spacee!! Erg. PAUSE. Let me begin my saying that he has been given a once in a lifetime amazing opportunity to study abroad in spain! Amazing, right?! I could not be happier for him to get to experience Spain! It’s culture, it’s heritage, it’s beauty, it’s views! All the people and the the food! Gosh I couldn’t be more jealous!!! And all while still going to school over there to study what he loves! It’s literally perfect! the only downside……………..it’s. five. moths. Five whole months!!!!! Of being away from me!!  Oh yeah, this is where I get scared! Now I get to be a little selfish (just a little). What the heck am I gonna do for five months?!!! I mean I know I’ll find stuff to occupy myself, maybe. But I won’t get daily communication. I wont get to hug him, kiss him, wrap my arms around him! No watching a movie snuggled up into him with his warm body against mine! No date nights. Literally no physical love. Ugghh. I need his fellowship! Im sure it’ll fly by. And I have lots of family, mine and his, who are all here to love on me while he’s gone….but it just sucks. And the worst part is he’s gonna be way too busy to care. I know he does, but Spain is just going to envelop his everything and become his new life. I’ll just be outta sight outta mind. :/ now i know five months will be forever for me, but for him it’ll seem like nothing! Im happy he gets to stay long enough to really get a grasp and enjoy spain after the initial awe of it all!

So to all you out there reading this, please pray!! Pray for me, pray for him, pray for our relationships with Christ, pray for safety in spain!

LIGHTS.

I. am. BLESSED!

So the new job is absolutely an answered prayer!! Thank you Jesus for bringing this job my way, honestly perfect timing.

But to be real, wasn’t the best at first. It was so much to get done, ya know, checking things off the list to be able to work there and getting all my paperwork finished. Then on top of that it was my last week at my serving job. Just imagine…a bossy, old(soon to be retired), grumpy manager just dwindling down your attitude because you’re leaving his company soon. Doesnt quite put me in the best of moods. But thankfully it was my final and last day ever serving again! No more stress. No more stinky restaurant clothes. No more aprons. No more working nights, weekends or holidays.
Someone got themselves a big girl job!!….well kinda. Haha.
But I could not be in a happier point in my life right now! Not everything is going my way, but if it was then I wouldnt be able to appreciate all that was! So stepping to the side and looking at all that I have to be thankful for has been the best thing for me recently! God has given me an amazing loving family, an awesome sister/best friend/roommate, a loving, happy, full of joy LanaRae and an incredible one of a kind boyfriend! I would be crazy to have any reason to not be constantly thankful!! JOY has graciously showered down upon me recently and its been so nice to regain all that I once had not too long ago!
So in this consistent state of being happy and in a good mood I have found myself giddy like a child! Its back to little things. Like tickle fights. Cozied up snuggling. Bubble baths. Snorting. Laughing uncontrollably and way TOO loud! Haha. Its so comforting to be in the hands of the Lord!
The only tough patch in it all is the absence of a paycheck. Gosh, ya gotta know how hard it can be to go 4 weeks in between switching jobs with just no income. Straight craziness! Let me say. The devil will not win this battle now or ever. I watched him destroy my family with financial struggles and I wont allow him to do it again. So with all that I have in me Im just praying and trusting the Lord to watch over me and have faith He will provide! He always does! I just hope my eyes are open enough to be ale to recognize the little things! But through it all I have been SO undeservingly blessed by my boyfriend!! He has been there to hold my hand and walk me through it. And thankfully he has been blessed to be making the money he needs for his trip and also help me out with dinners lunches or date nights! Gahh, just LOVE him with all thats in me! Cant wait for our surprise trip in october! So excited!! Ill fill you in with more details to come!

Dont forget to PAUSE and SHINE you’re light!!

From divine to disaster.

So here’s how the week started…
Allright, as many of you dont know,,,I got a new job!!! Yay!! And wanna take any guesses on where?! YUPP, a preschool facility!! Holy Moly Excited!! Exactly what I was just telling you about and praying for! Thank you Jesus! Words cannot describe the JOY in my heart when she said I would be perfect for their school! My major is elementary education and this is literally what my major is all about! Not only am I gonna be obsessed with my job and all the little kiddos around me, but ill be still in school working towards my bachelors and building onto my resume for a career in teaching at a school! BLESSED. Thats really all there is to say about it! So that just built my week up to an all time high! Then the week followed with my mundane serving job, not so pleasant. But on the bright side of that only a week and a half to go! Whoo Hoo! The week started to wind down with good ole family sundays, and man are those fulfilling! Something about bringing the whole family together and all enjoying each others fellowship that makes my heart smile! :) Well the day was gonna end just perfectly by heading down to the dog park with my LanaRae, and well that didnt really go as planned. Walked in the door to a house enveloped in the smell of straight poop. Gross right?? Yeah tell me about it. Her crate, covered. The walls surrounding her crate, covered. The floor, covered. Lana Rae, covered. All in diarrhea. Ab-sol-ute-ly aw-ful. Honest to goodness I dont know how I managed to not throw up. So we get everything outside and my bright mind decides we’re STILL going to the dog park. I wasnt gonna let the devil ruin my good day/week. So we get in the car and about two solid minutes down the road Lana starts squirtin’ everywhere on my seats. Nasty!! I FREAK OUT, to all of you who know my personality, and start to panic…slowing down, putting on my brakes, swerving all over the road, screaming at lana,,,cause im at this point confused and angered. So as I proceed to abruptly make a u-turn of course lana is just rolling in her matter at this point, continuing to cover herself. Gross, once again! So we get home and I’ve got A MESS to handle. Yeah, this day topped my worse days ever chart! Imagine. Thankfully I had my mom there to hold the walmart bag while I scrubbed and wiped and srcubbed and wiped and used at least two whole rolls of papertowels. Gosh what a day. Thankfully I’m now sitting here, writing to you on my clean sheets, in my clean room, with my clean self, and clean Lana Rae laying next to me! Haha.
Until next time…

IMPETUOUSLY WANDERING.

impetuous |imˈpe ch oōəs|
adjective
acting or done quickly and without thought or care

This is me.
Currently.

Right now:
Im taking the summer to work, relax, get things done, and continue to fall head over heels for the one I love. That means trying to make money, spending that money, and continuing to passionately pursue my boyfriend in a loving, healthy, devoted, vulnerable, Godly manner. Gosh the privilege of being a girl sucks sometimes though. Besides the  monthly hey how ya doin’ emotional roller coaster, it seemed to a pretty rough month all together!
Man was it not pleasant to be around me!

The Job:
Well a day never ceases to pass where I’m not at work serving people food and asking “Would you like fries with that?” But I’d have to say that there is never a dull day serving in a sports bar and its one of the best jobs I’ve had in a long while! Even though I get those few people who just dont seem to care for life or being happy what.so.ever., I can never keep a smile off my face serving others. Im not sure if its the people, the atmosphere, or just the fact of being surrounded by a community of people who all wanna talk! But Im starting to find myself wanting a new job, dont get me wrong…I make really good money and love what I do but I’d like a solid 9 to 5 job, monday through friday. Is that too much to ask?! I think not! Ha. What Im really lookin for is a job at the childrens hospital or maybe interning at a school or daycare facility! Something that follows along the lines of my future career would be AMAZING!

The Boy:
Gosh has it been one of the most INCREDIBLE rides of my LIFE!! Tomorrow will be 9 months with my boyfriend!! NINE MONTHS! Feels crazy to say, crazy to write. I honestly cant believe how Gods timing works and how he put me in the perfect place at the perfect time to be able to find Ryan! And to think how gracious God is to share him with me and allow me to just be the utmost of who I really am with him! I laugh, I cry, I go through every single emotion a healthy relationship should! But the best part of it all is I truly cant imagine my life any other way! Right here and right now is the happiest I’ve been in forever! He makes me smile SOO much that my mouth starts to hurt and I start to feel like its unreal, some kind of dream that God has given me the privilege of being part of! So life changing! Sooo on a side note my man has set up a surprise! Eeek! We’re gonna be going sometime in August and I. cant. wait!! Im the type of person who will usually talk my way into figuring out what it is, but Ive tried to step back on this one and Ry’s been strong on not telling me! But Im sooo excited to know where we’re going and what we’ll be doing! Gonna be AMAZING!!! He’s dropped some little hints…and i know its for our one year anniversary, but im trying not to think too hard about it, i dont wanna figure it out!

Christ:
So i wouldnt say Im off the path, in any way, shape, or form…but I am IMPETUOUSLY WANDERING! I seem to be making decisions, doing things, saying things, acting out without thinking of the later consequence. Or asking is this right? I haven’t considered Jesus in the picture at all. Like really? Who am I? Jesus is my everything! Jesus is my all! Jesus has shown me the path and I am happily walking down that path! But its about time I kick my spirit man into overdrive! I want to strive for God! I want to crave reading His word! I want to be overwhelmed and surround by His presence, His love, His glory, His grace!! Like I said I havent gone down the wrong path at all, just lost sight of the end. But all thats starting to change! I live so much more happily along side of Christ!! He gives me more Joy than any earthly thing ever could. Im pretty excited cause my boyfriend is getting sundays back!! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Haha. But really, im so excited he’s gonna have sundays to come to church with me and spend the rest of the day with either my family or his!

My Current Problems:
I get angry. Real easy. Real fast. And it could be about the stupidest little thing! But its not good. at all. Please pray for me!! Its a constant struggle, and really hard to admit because its something I took away from my father (one of the biggest things I despised) so Im taking the first step and realizing its an issue. And in Jesus name I will not let it control me! Its just so hard for those who are around me the most, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by so much love and patience that I dont deserve!

PICTURE this…

Well, well, well….it’s been quite a bit since I’ve talked to you! Ha. Life has been so crazy, exciting, happy, sad, JOYFUL, emotional, and mostly exhausting. I haven’t really been living true to my tattoo and PAUSEing. Ugh, it can just be so hard…when everything else surrounding you is go go go go. I feel like no matter what Im always trying to catch up! Thank JESUS it is finally summer!!!! Yayy! Ahh, what a blessing in itself! So sundays around here are family days, and man do i LOVE sundays. I could cry right now thinking about it…they’re so joyful and happy, and careless, and an abundance of never-ending loveeee!! It fills my heart with all the missing pieces from throughout the week, the true meaning of family kicks in and everyone comes together to just BE. whether it be just watching tv in the same room, or catching up on weekly stories, grilling out, playing board games, or even(i cant believe im saying this) disc golfing together…no matter the activity it brings my family even closer together and fills my heart with love and compassion and support, in which i need all! I think i might be going through a rough patch in my life. Now dont fret, its nothing to worry bout, stop that,,, i can see you worrying through my computer screen!! haha. mom. but just a spot in my life where Jesus is trying to bring be to a better and closer relationship with Him, and in order to do so Im being tested, drilled, questioned….how bad do you want Me? How bad do you want this? how bad to you want others to join with us in My Kingdom? Gosh, and when Jesus brings a challenge the devil sends an army. he wont win. he never does. My God is STRONGER than all of this!! And the best part is He’s on MY SIDE! :) HA! take that. But really,,,it’s been a struggle…but I will make it through all of this, its just hard right now! I feel like ive been someone who im not and apologize to all those who know me and love me. Im not trying to hurt you or push you away, its just been hard. And the devil CAN and WILL find any way to destroy anything good in my life. And i know im not fighting this alone, but sometimes it feels like it. so its hard to take anyones perspective cause they dont know what Im going through. Ahh, gosh, life on earth….such a joke. I cant waitttt to be in heaven! No worries, no stress, just JESUS! gonna be GLORIOUS!! SO while you’ve been gone, LOTS has happened.
PICTUREEEE TIMEEE!

We had a birthday,
MY BEST FRIENDDDS BIRTHDAYY!
TAYS 22 BIRTHDAYWISHES.
the JIMMY(mycar) broke

LanaRae got spayed.
Look at her all INNOCENT!
INNOCENT. my food for april was chicken quesadillas,homemade guacamole,
and homemade banana pudding! mhmm, yeah is right! i hope your mouth is watering! haha.

GUACAMOLE.

BANANA PUDDING.QUESADILLAS.
we had a doggie pool day, and gosh was it sooo much funn!!

I got new TOMS!!
YAYYY!
I rearranged my room!

ME & TAY HAD MUSTACHE ADVENTURES!!!

hahahahaha. bustedd.our mustache wall!
and of course everyday with this guy makes me smile even MORE! :)
couldn't be more BLESSED!

IF ONLY…

If only I could freeze time.
If only I could start all over.
If only I could change the past…
But I can.
It’s not totally hopeless.
Things can be changed.
Things can be altered.
I can choose what I want,
and when I want it.
I just wish I had done things different.
I wish I had done things right.
I know everything seems so perfect,
but its really not.
I want to be home.
Surround and wrapped by comfort and love.
I want to be somewhere where nothing can touch me.
Thats why I have my best friend.
His name is Jesus.
He saves ME.
He lifts ME up.
He carries ME.
He holds MY hand.
He walks with ME.
He listens to ME.
He leads and guides ME,
to the places I need to be
and the steps I need to go
He shows ME what to do,
He shelters ME.
And all I need is HIM.
So why do I fill my heart with the things of this world.
The distractions, the chaos the clutter.
Its just empty hollow meaningless things.
Until you find His JOY!
Ahh HIS JOY!
It’s a bountiful, never-ending, ceaseless glow.
It can fill a room and envelop a space.
It goes wherever I go.
It leads me to those who are lost,
seeking to be found!
And fills their hearts with a KNOWN happiness!!
It brings me tears!
It brings me laughter!
It brings me…
HOPE
JOY
PEACE
COMFORT
LOVE
And smiles all around!
I honestly don’t know what I’d do without HIM.
If only…
It was the same for everyone else.

BIRTHDAY WISHES.

BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
HANDS DOWN.
Gosh…I cannot put into words all the happiness&joy that took place on my birthday! It has literally been one of the best weeks of my life! So much love and support and encouragement from all areas of my life. My friends, my family, and my coworkers have all made this such an amazing day!! Starting with the leading up to my birthday dinner at hooters with my boyfriends family! Good times with some of the people i love the most! Then waking up next to the one I love, to eating cupcakes and scratching off lottery tickets for breakfast, to then meet my parents for lunch and have my first legal drink and open presents! So amazing! They went above and beyond on what they should have and I lovee what they got me. It was also soo delicious scarfing down my favorite mexican dish while sipping on my strawberry margarita! Mhmm! On to see some cute little kiddos who I oh so love! (You know,,,the hucks,,,the ones I used to live with) straight after I headed directly to kroger to stockk up mah fridge with all the wine coolers I LOVEE! Gosh I looked ridiculous walking through there with all those in hand. But proceeded to make it home safely with all bottles in tact! Then sadly I had to work! :/ stupid me for not asking off! But I still got to come home to my boy making me homemade fajitas with cheese dip, rice, and beans! Mhmm AGAIN! I can never get enough mexican food!! I honestly don’t understand how I’m not of the hispanic race. Haha. :) but really. Then to open my amazing presents from him! So sweet! What a day! Whew! So incredible! Only to wake up the next day to my besttt friend coming home from france! FINALLY I know! Eeek! Got some of the cutest presents from her from london!! Love! So we have been here and there eating out and enjoying the freedom of drinking. AT THE SAME TIME! Just craziness. geez. Its just so liberating and empowering to be able to do so. I’m obsessed. Ha. To say the least. I’m so blessed to be surrounded and loved by all the people I LOVE!

image

least.

image

Don’t wanna be here.

Well…currently sitting in my oh so lovely math class. Writing to you from my tiny little keypad on my phone. Gosh this class is just awful. And when I say awful I mean AWFUL! I hate it. The worst. So boring. Not to mention, it smells! Like gross rotten eggs that have been smoking, ewh. This day has been allright so far. Had a presentation first thing this morning and now in the last class of the day. Hopefully soon to have an amazing lunch date with my beau! Today I’m just writing to write. So be prepared for some rambling nonsense that doesn’t even matter! Not quite sure what I’m craving for lunch. I’ve got some mixed feeling for sushi and mexican but can’t decide. I’m sure you could even say another type of food and it would tickle my fancy. But really, I’m starvinggg! Ahh, gosh. I made the worstt march dinner! Ya know my new years resolution…yeah it was pretty nasty! It looks delicious, but tasted like I was eating a whole lemon. Oh well, guess I gotta fail sometimes. :/ As many of you probably have no idea, my best friendd/roommate is in london! Yepp, good ole LONDON! I missssss her! But she’s off making incredible memories with her fam, sipping tea and looking at art! Jealous, why yes….of course I’m jealous! I wanna be in relaxation world! And especially france! Get me there now! Owah. Maybe one day! But for now I’m just slaving away at double dogs and living the life of the average college student. Eat when can, little sleep, and never ending to-do lists! THE LIFE! I really have enjoyed these past couple days just chillin with our pups and their sweet innocent little hearts! Lovee them so much! Sooooo, guess what! 5 daysssss until I’m 21! Eeek! Holler! I’m. So. Excited! Friday with my bestie, then Saturday with my boy in nashville, and Sunday with the family! Gonna be one of the besttt! Can’t wait! Wine coolers, wine coolers, wine coolers! Until later, hope ya’ll have an AMAZING GOOD FRIDAY! :D

To Shine.

Well headed back to good ole knoxville! Goodbye greensboro, thanks for giving us the pleasure of walking your streets, eating at your cutee little diners, and bring us together with our long lost friend Anthropologie. Gosh its just been a little too long since we had seen each other and it was a nice embracement and exchange of goods. I gave her money and she gave me new kitchen goodies! Ahh, so excited! We’re about halfway home and Im already ancy to see my man and my little girl LanaRae!!!! Me and my best friend tay miss our feline companions (AKA best friends/real people) SO MUCH! Time couldn’t go by any slower than it already is! Oooh and just for those of you who haven’t received your tax refunds yet…and still waiting…let me tell you hope is still out there! I JUST received mine (3 weeks later) and gosh is it JOYOUS! haha. Im so excited to finally be able to afford to get things done that have needed to be done. A couple being, a new prescription of contacts&glasses, my LanaRae getting spayed (Eeeeek!), and a much needed oil change! ha. Gosh living the life, i know! But other than the necessities…shopping spree HERE I COME!!!! Urban all the way babyyy! Being my signature store I spend at least a solid $300 buckaroos a year there! A simple treat to myself of course. But me and my boy are hopefully gonna be heading to good ole nashville this week sometime to get some goods! Cant wait! Umm, in other news…we have found a house! Ding ding! Maybe not “the one” but pretty darn perfect for a start! So looking forward to what God has planned for all of us! When there’s a will He makes a way! I trust Him to open the right doors and close the wrong ones! Hmmm, oh and for ya’ll who know my new years resolution…my february’s dinner was a huge success!! Even I liked it! haha. But for march Im struggling with ideas of what to make! It has to be chicken and involve no other meats. So if ya know of any amazing recipes please share!! ope ya’ll have an AMAZING rest of this beautiful sunday and talk to ya soon enough!

WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!

GOSH TWO DAYS DOWN AND ONE MORE TO GO WITHOUT MY BABE. HA. SOUND RIDICULOUS…BUT ITS PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS IVE HAD TO DO IN A WHILE. PATHETIC, I KNOW. BUT SO TRUE! HIM AND LANARAE ARE LITERALLY MY LIFFE! I LOVE THEM BOTH SOOO MUCH AND HAVING THAT HALF OF ME MISSING JUST SUCKS. ON A MUCH BRIGHTER AND JOYOUS NOTE, I’VE HAD AN AMAZING WEEKEND SO FAR. GOD HAS MOVED IN MY HEART AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER WOMEN AT THIS CONFERENCE THIS WEEKEND! IT WAS TRULY AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE TO BE ABLE TO WATCH TAYLORS MOM, ANGELA THOMAS, MOVE AND SPEAK WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, WISDOM, LIFE, HOPE, AND LOVE INTO MY LIFE! IM SO THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO WITNESS SO MANY LIVES CHANGE. THIS WEEKEND HAS JUST SHOWN ME SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF. REVEALED GOOD QUALITIES, AND ALSO REVEALED BAD ONES. DAY BY DAY I WILL HOPEFULLY START TO BECOME A BETTER BETTER ME! AND ITS NOTHING BIG, JUST LITTLE THINGS IVE NOTICED ABOUT MYSELF THAT ID LIKE TO CHANGE. ASKING GOD TO HELP ME THE WHOLE WAY. I WANT TO SURRENDER MY HEART AND MY ALL. KNEELING BEFORE THE LORD AND LETTING HIM TAKE CONTROL. I SEEM TO HAVE FADED FROM THAT…SOMEHOW..SOMEWAY. BUT ID LOVE TO GET BACK ON TRACK, FOLLOWING THE LORD, WHAT HE WANTS FOR ME, HIS DESIRES,THE RIGHT DIRECTION, HIS DECISIONS, THE RIGHT DOORS OPENING AND AT THE RIGHT TIME. IT ALL FITS TOGETHER LIKE THIS AMAZING BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE OF A PUZZLE. AND I LOVE IT! AHH…BECOMING MORE AND MORE OBSESSED WITH JESUS!! CANT WAIT TO SHARE ALL MY NEW JOY WITH MY AMAZING SEXY MAN BACK AT HOME! MAYBE…JUST MAYBE WE CAN DO A BIBLE STUDY, OR STUDY BOOK TOGETHER. CAUSE THATS KINDA WHAT IM LOOKIN FOR! WISH ME LUCKK!

Here’s to life!

Man oh man…
Well life sure has been interesting!
We’ve all been up and we’ve all been down.
Happy moments and crying ones.
God has to truly be moving in all of our lives…
Recently me and my roommate taylor have started her moms new book called Choosing Joy! Gosh, such an incredible blessing that devotional has been! Each day we’ve learned to keep our heads up and not let the things of this world get us down! The little anger moments, or ungrateful moments, or moments where people can be so rude, hateful, or mean. Those are all the moments where the devil has a open door to just come in and steal all our joy! It’s been so hard. The Lord is getting to do something BIG and I cant wait to see what it is! The devil has been testing us and its literally been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life! I can’t so it alone either! With the support and fellowship and my best friends and my boyfriend I’ve been slowly dragging myself through the past couple of days! To put things into perspective…lets start with my best friend taylors roommate moved out. Yepp, the one who moved in to where I could live with Ryan. Well she’s gone now and it feels like all hell is braking loose! Drama drama drama, is all I have to say…for now at least! Long story really short, she is now gone and Im moving back in with taylor, Leaving Ryan alone. But thankfully not alone anymore, one of his good buddies is moving and and hopefully will turn out for the best! When I say best I mean not get on each others last nerve and live peacefully within the same confines. But so far so good. I have successfully moved all my things over and his new roommate is slowly moving all his stuff in! Cha-chingg! holla. All is good again right? HA. yeah right. Work has been awful! No business, so slow, and making little to no money. Getting cut after only being there for an hour and only having one table just sucks. Or having to be there all night and close and getting stiffed twice. You pick…either or both suck. How bout we talk about how incredibly hard it has been on my heart moving out! Holy moly good gracious alive! Its almost as if I had lost my boyfriend, best friends, and every loving family member…thats how bad. Im not sure why its not just easy to go back to the way it was before, but moving in with him just made us that much closer. I feel like it made us closer, stronger, and more loving as a couple. And now that Im having to leave that it feels like my hearts just being ripped out. Or that Im losing my best friend. Thankfully God has been there through all of this and setting aside my emotional wreck I will be fine and we will both get through this stronger than we were before! Its just gonna take time, and support. As much as its gonna suck, I think in the end we will be so much happier. And not to mention we still live right next door and are getting a house within the next 6 months. Crazy right? so I think I can manage…maybe. Ha.

So with this joyful looking forward attitude…I would like to say that I cant wait to be living with taylor! Now that we’ve experienced living with others, its now time to put our situation back to the test! Except this time more prepared than before! We know more about each other and our ways and I feel like we’re on the same page again! Holla holla. Thank Jesus for friends! I cant wait to have girls night, sleepovers every night, friends, gossip girl, pretty little liars, paint our nails and straighten our hair,you name it and thats us! So now not only are we reuniting but so are our precious little ones! LanaRae and Bentley are SO excited! Ha. Playtime all the time!

So cross your fingers and say a prayer for us! Cause this is gonna be one heck of a ride…

ABSTRACT.

Abstract. Abstact. Abstract.
All thats been going through my head.
Over and over and over again.
Gosh.
My last painting is coming up and due tomorrow.
What a little mess of stress it is!
I lovee art but putting a time limit on it just isnt fair.
How can it truly be organic if Im being pressured to make rash decisions in small amounts of time? Crazy!! So other than art only one more final to go and IM DONEEE!! Holla holla. It’s gonna be so nice to just relax, clean the house, wrap presents, shop for christmas, and just enjoy and soak up the holidays! Lovee it! My life seems to be falling into place so perfectly! Living with ryan has been amazing and so much fun! He’s helping me to learn my strengths and my weaknesses. Where I need to work on myself and where I can ask for help. Pride is such a HUGE word in my life. Its so hard for me to let go of being in control…which of course I get from my dad. He’s a control freakk! Not saying its a bad thing, but at the point where you can let someone else help you…its a problem. Idk if cause I’ve always been so independent, but those ways seem to sway right back into my head when its time to get stuff accomplished, or letting him pay. I just cant allow myself to let him do it all himself. CONTROLLING. i know. I want to still have my hands on the reigns and not relinquish anything that makes me seem dependent. Gahh. Workin on it! Soooooooo excited to go to Louisiana!!!! Miss all my family and cant wait for them to all meet LanaRae and Ryan! Eeeek! Gonna be so much fun! Road trips. Christmas. Packing. Joyfulness. Road trips. Snacks. Family. Laughter. Presents! SO GREAT! 11 DAYS AWAY!!

STABLE.

So for those of you who don’t know…I, katelyn cooper, have a boyfrienddd! Eeek! Craziness, all over the place! Haha. I’m absolutely estatic! Literally don’t think I could be happier! :) Same boy who I’ve been talking about in previous blogs and he is still being incredible! So naturally I’m already nit picking at the little things he does that bugs me. And not only picking them out, but tragically saying them out loud to him. Gosh I need to get better at that. I want to be sweeter, kinder, more gentle. Sometimes I come off kinda harsh, and even though thats not who I’m meaning to be it still hurts when words are arranged in a certain way. So..on that note I am trying to change my old ways! Time to be humble, more considerate, maybe not care as much about the little things. It is a trait that has consequently been shadowed down from my father to me. I am the spitting image of his personality….BLUHH. Sorry I think I just threw up a little. That makes me sickk. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would say that. All my life I’ve tried to stay away from his ways of communication, and yet here I am doing the same thing I said I would never do. I could cry. But I won’t. I’m stronger than that! God can help me through all this and guide me towards who he made me to be and break the mold of my families faults. It’s just hard. But what isn’t these days. Nothings handed on a silver platter anymore. This new relationship is just starting to work its way into my life, my thoughts, my actions, my words, and especially my heart!  Its so fun to use the word boyfriend! Im obsessed. Haha. What’s even better is when they ask who and I get the pleasure of showing him off as the smile on my face ceases to ever show signs of leaving! Gosh the more I’m to myself the more I think about him. What he’s doing. Where he’s at. What he’s thinking about. Ridiculous right? What’s even scarier is I can kinda….alright no judgement here, or am I literally speaking…but just hypothetically, I could kinda see myself with him the rest of my life. Woahh now is right! I just went there. And yes so soon. Its been like what, a month? Absurd. I may or may not have gone crazy. Outta mah mind! But I just feel so comfortable, and safe, and loved! All aspects of my future husband. Along with loving Jesus, and my family, and my lifestyle! Oh and Lana Rae!!!! Our new little puppy we got together! Which of course there are picture to come. But like I said…just saying! Haha. If ya’ll have any stories to share hit up the comment box! I’d love to hear! And on that note I will leave you with a goodbye, adios, see ya later homies!

The booth.

Okay so you know those cliche photo strips?! Well I may or may not be obsessed. Haha. Black and white. Vintage. Memories. Happy moments. Spontaneous emotions! Gosh, you just can’t get any better! But sitting in the booth, between the 3 whole seconds they give us to rearrange our faces, so many things started going through my head. The smiles , the laughter, the closeness all seems to be like a dream. somebody pinch me. The sweetness of holding hands and the security of being close all rush through me as if he’ll always be there. Not as just a person to be with, but as a best friend too. Someone I can trust, and count on being there. Someone I tell all my secrets to, confide in, or let go with. Someone who I can be myself around. Someone to be crazy with, or to look at crazy. Getting excited to tell them about your day or just being content not talking at all. It’s the exciting adventure of getting to know every little detail about their past, their everyday, and their plans for ahead. Letting myself open up, to be vulnerable, to be nervous, to be all the normal things that can be. The photo booth pictures seem to be frozen images of the goodness to come. The happiness within me, and the quirkiness of this relationship. All I keep doing is smiling! God is definitely working in me and in this! He is taking me along the path of the long and narrow, but its gonna be so worth it. It feels so comforting. To know that I don’t have to worry or do things on my own. That He has it all planned out already!

In the arms of love.

Gosh, I’ve just been showered with blessings these past couple days! SO much has changed. For better, for worse…I’m loving it all! God has started moving my life in this new direction that has truly been AMAZING! School is going along smoothly and work is…well work is work! ha. For some reason its been so dead. Idk if people are just starting to eat healthy or dont have the money to go out, but its not looking too good for my bank account.  Ha sad day. On the flip side though there is this boy. :) Unlike any other boy that I’ve come across. Crazy right? I thought they were all the same. He’s been sweet,caring, thoughtful, observant…im sure I could keep going. But i’ll save you the time, who wants to hear all that mushy nonsense. Ha not me…thats for sure. But somehow i’ve gotten over that wall. A lot of walls actually. It’s crazy how i’ve only known him for like 2 weeks and it feels like years. I’ve been so happy!! I can’t quite seem to wrap my head around what it is that gets me. His personality, his looks, his charm? But when I’m not with him I get so excited to be with him, then the second I’m with him I’m nervous. Is this how all this works?! That turning in your stomach that wont go away. Haha. Its definitely different, but a good different! Im used to having this empty feeling, like playing a role that leads to a dead end. And now that road is like boundless compassion. I can feel God walking beside me through this, it all seems to feel so right. But at the same time my flesh wants to be scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of feeling alone. Scared of allowing someone else to know me. It starts to make me push away, creating distance. I’ve noticed small things that are slowly starting to change though, which has been awesome! It feels so good to not care and just let go. But I dont want to lose control. I like being independent. Not having to respond to anyone. Its more of a pride thing. I can straight up tell you that my pride is definitely up there! It has a mind of its own and does what it wants. Kinda scary. I know I need to lay that down, but its so hard. To humble yourself before Christ and give it all to Him. Thats what we do with prayer isn’t it? Why is it so complicated for me to do it with my life.

Gracious Giver.

Lord lift me higher, bring me into your presence! Your mercy, your grace, your hope, your peace. Work in me. Use me and teach me. I long to draw closer to you! I can do all things through you who gives me strength. When I’m weak, you pick me up. When I’m broken, you love me. Unconditionally. Unfold your love in my life. Help me to be patient and kind. Humble and strong. I long to desire you! Be my strong tower. Your grace is pouring out into my life…over and abundant! Im ready to live the joyful life you have laid out before me. I want to follow in your footsteps and be who you made me to be! I want to shine that light you lit in me! Be my savior, be my father!

It’s like a book.

From beginning to end.
It’s like book.
With an introduction, a middle, and an end.
Starts at one point on the line, goes up the hill, comes back down, and proceeds to just stop.
But there’s so much more than just that…
The drama, the juicy details, the happiness, the hurt.
You feel liberated at one point and depressed the next.
Life.
It rolls out exactly the same.
But in our story there’s this man.
Who never leaves the plot.
He’s there when you laugh, you snort, you get excited, and when you cant stop smiling.
He’s there when you hurt, you cry, you lie, and when you betray.
He’s watches you live, watches you encourage, watches you help, and watches you shine.
He watches you judge, he watches you hate, watches you burden, and envy.
All he wants is you, all of you! To hand over and let him mold.
His potter hands wants to make an AMAZING masterpiece of your story.
He knows our actions, our thoughts, our weaknesses, and our strengths.
And He wants to be there to guide us along the way.
As childlike as this sounds…there’s this light inside of me.
A light that doesn’t want to be smothered or put out.
But its little right now, barely able to keep lit.
Why is Satan so deceiving?
He sits, watches, and waits.
Till your living of the world, till your at your lowest, and lost.
And the thing is…you dont even realize it.
You think life’s great, that all is working out.
Your happy, your living, your going about life just like everyone else.
Except theres this little bit of unsureness.
You cant quite put your finger on it, but its there.
Yeah, thats Satan.
Saying “oh your fine”, “life’s great”, “look at all your friends”, “its just a pill, its just a boy, its just something to drink”.
Then you’re hooked.
Then you’re broken.
Then you’re hurt.
But then there’s God…
Who wants to see you happy, laughing, joyful, and living!
Living a life thats worth something, that you don’t have to think twice about!
Thats the way that I’m longing to live!
That simple, blissful, humble life.
It sure is hard, but I know He’s there to help me along the way.

FOREVER.

Who I wanna be and who I am.
two completely different people.
I seem to be stuck in the grey area.
I was always told that area is no good,,,
to  stay where I could be seen by others.
to be encouraged, to be loved.
why do I keep straying away.
I’m in LOVE with this man named Jesus.
he brings me hope. joy. peace. and love enduring forever.
who would ever ask for more?
I strive to live in the light of Christ.
to be like Him, to care like Him, to love like Him.
I’m trying my hardest to not fall.
only HE can give me strength.
its so tough at times.
but its those times that I’ve always come out stronger.
I tend to walk the narrow path.
it’s longer.
but I know it’ll take me to where I need to be.
it’ll watch over me.
like a guardian angel.
protect me from the fear.
my fear is the darkness.
I cant take it.
thats when I call His name.
when the lights are off and Im too myself.
to save me from this world.
it feels like forever.
but I know He’s there.
and I know He cares.
the morning will come soon enough.
and that light will shine so bright that everyone will see,
the joy in my heart that will forever be!

WAKE UP!

Wake upp christians! This is not the old testament anymore! This is new testament, new age, new milenia day and time! We aren’t bible beaters anymore, and we aren’t wearing garments that hang to the floor and towels around our heads anymore (no offense disciples)! We do have chacos now,,,and that’s about the only thing that connects us with the past! That and the love that Christ offers! The people that we are trying to reach aren’t raised in an age knowing Christs’ name! Not only do they not have Jesus their hearts…but they have no grasp of who that even is! A celebrity? A new singer? Or maybe a new addition to the jersey shore cast? Its crazy to think that there’s all this love to spread and its staying idle within our hearts! Why are we not going crazyy and telling everyone like its the new hookup, or oh myy did you hear…I wanna be shining the light of Christ so bright that people need shades on! Haha. Now a days our goal is to be as much like them as much as we aren’t! How will they ever know Him unless we’re the ones setting the example right beside them. We have to be in midst of what they’re struggling with and strong enough to stand up for our own beliefs all at the same time! Christ didn’t send us here to go amongst the christians. He sent us here to go amongst the poor and the needy. The ones who DON’T know Him. The ones who have pains and struggles. I’m not saying christian friends aren’t vital! Because they most certainly are,, we have those friends to encourage us, keep us stable, pray for us, and fellowship with! I don’t know what I would do without my tight knit group of girls who challenge me in my faith. I lovee it! But I use my faith, my trust, and my strength the most when I surround myself with those know don’t know Christ’s love like I do, and deep down know that’s the only thing that will fill that void, that empty hole in their life! That’s why God sent me here…not to walk amongst the christians…but to walk amongst the sinners, cheaters, liars and beggers! That’s when I call on HIM the most!

christmas cheer.

to live. to laugh. to love. HA. so dang cliche! why not just say, be crazy. be funny. and show love to everyone! much better motto. I’ve got the joy joy joy JOY down in my heart, and it’s down in my heart to stay! I’ve been so happy recently and it’s all thanks to our one and only mighty savior and king! He is exalted and lifted high above everyone. It’s kinda nice knowing He’s my safe place. Where nothing can touch or hurt me. That as long as I trust in Him, He is holding me in his arms safe and sound! I should have no fear because He is with me…AT ALL TIMES! Craziness. That’s so considerate and loving of Him! But anywhoo, trusting God with my love life and letting Him take over the steering wheel! Hard move, but smart move! Gotta remember He deserves every single aspect of us, and not only that He wants all of it! I pray for the strength to live according to His word and the desire to do His will. Can’t wait to go down to louisiana! Ahh! Gonna be so much fun. JOY all over the place! I love huge family gatherings, and christmas, and giving presents! Such a happy feeling. It’s not only gonna be great…it’ll be stupenddous! Cannot wait! oh and LOVEEE my tattoo. truly amazing Lord. perfect spot. perfect choice of my handwriting. perfect word. wow!

Empty Smiles.

The worst thing in my life right now, okay maybe not the worst, or even close, but the most discouraging attribute that I have noticed in a lot of my friends right now is something that I would like to refer to as an empty smile. I wouldn’t say it’s something that they can necessarily control, but it’s definitely something that when you look at them you think, “hmm, I wonder what’s truly hindering this person from genuinely caring” or maybe they just could give two flips. That they were never a true friend to begin with and it was a fecad this whole time. I’m not too sure what is going on in these guys and girls lives, but it’s definitely not Jesus Christ. I’m so thankful that I’ve been shown that I am nothing with out Him and that he lives through me! That this body of mine, here on earth is just a vessel. A vessel to shine His light in this gross dirty filthy world. That when I struggle, it’s not my struggle. It’s His. That if I have completely given everything to Him, and let go of any burdens that I have been holding in, that he will take care of it all! It is now His burdens, and His struggles, He has thankfully and graciously given His live to save mine! Wow! Truly amazing! Haha. But back to the empty smiles…I want to show my friends this new found love that I have encountered! These friends that look around in rooms full of people striving for a desire to belong. A desire to be wanted in this needy world. And it’s so true! We have been given this desire to be desired by Christ. He wants us to want Him to where He can fill us up! But instead these people are looking towards worldly material things and people to fill this “hole”. So here I am, with my friendly courteous attitude that wants to put 110% into these friendships of mine, and am only receiving about 35% back. Not okay. I mean some people may not notice those kind of things or even care, but if you honestly want a true friend then I say it’s bout time to fill these empty smiles with legit joy and happiness from the one true God!

Pretty skies.

So just another day in good ole knoxville, tennessee. The skies are bright. The clouds are scarce and the wind is blowing at just the right temperature!  The best part of all of this is my new found joy that has taken over me! I laugh more than ever, smile  big enough to where maybe it’ll spread like wildfire. I tend to life fuller and to its fullest! I love being spontaneous and living in the moment. If only my life were a movie and I could record all the little things that have made me smile or even the BIG things. Like hanging and laughing with my friends, or even the still times when I’m alone and reflecting on life. How is it that time succeeds to fly right pass me and go un-noticed? I hope to become more whimsical and take full advantage of every situation I can. There’s a girls’ blog that I follow and its radically starting to change me…for the better of course! Check it out HERE and maybe you’ll fall into this AMAZING JOY too.