So one month down. Gosh how I wish I was there. The beauty. The stillness. The essence. Maybe one day i’ll be blessed enough to take it all in, but for now just hearing about it will have to suffice.
So I kinda feel like I’m just going through the motions! Work. Eat. Dog Park. Eat. Sleep. hahah. good stuff. I’ve actually been taking little adventures with lanarae! One day we got up early and went on a little walking trail down the street, and then another day we took a trip to the lake and walked out to the pier and they have these cute little benches. It was so peaceful, but very freezing!! Holy moly knoxville is cold. Ha. So ready for spring and summer to get here! Tan skin, skirts, tank tops, windows down, ice cream, pool days…ahh what could be better! In knoxville that is. So thankful for family these days!! The love and encouragement to keep my head up and stay strong has been so amazing! I don’t know what I’d do without all the support! But really,, I’d probably just roll over and die. haha. My mornings are getting back to consistency. Waking up each morning with my cup of joe and Jesus Calling devotional with lanarae against my side have been some of the best spent minutes in my life right now! I couldn’t ask for happier moments! Ryan is still having an amazing time in every moment of spain! I can tell how happy he is, and how he jumped straight into their world and made it his. It’s amazing to see how embracing a culture that beautiful can start to change someone! In all his pictures he truly looks happier!! But he’s done such an amazing job of capturing his life in spain and putting it into words for us to see and feel the bigger picture, almost as if we’re there too! Check it out at http://mwalke59.wordpress.com/
So I decided to venture out into the party scene last night and man was that a bad idea. For all of ya’ll who know me and my personality. This is definitely not it. ha. I think sometimes I try too hard to be something I’m not. To try and fit a mold that wasn’t made for me. Last night showed me a lot. I woke up feeling stupid, dumb, empty, shameful, and belittled. Just from drinking! I didn’t do anything bad, I wasnt illegally drinking, and I didn’t do anything that I’d regret…and yet I still woke up regretful! I think I’m done with drinking, ha forever. Minus my occasional strawberry daiquiri, its just not for me. Those people look happy and act like they’re having a good time when really it’s just a whole bunch of emptiness! Like the point where people can’t control their thoughts and actions and four beers down and they’re loose and crazy with all moral boundaries out the window. Thats what scares me. The devil is sneaky. And will find a way to ruin anything good in my life. And I can’t believe I almost gave the opportunity to do just that. Drinking for me is like leaving the door open for him to come right on in and mess everything up. Thankful I had angels lookin out for me and nothing bad happened. But the thought that it could have makes me so mad at myself! I’ve had Christ next to me every step of the way this past month and then one night could’ve ruined it all. Who am I?? But today’s a new day and Im so happy for that!! Superbowl sunday and the whole family is together enjoying each others company! So great!! The only thing that could make this day better is if I had my man right next to me gettin our football sundays on. ://
So here’s how the week started…
Allright, as many of you dont know,,,I got a new job!!! Yay!! And wanna take any guesses on where?! YUPP, a preschool facility!! Holy Moly Excited!! Exactly what I was just telling you about and praying for! Thank you Jesus! Words cannot describe the JOY in my heart when she said I would be perfect for their school! My major is elementary education and this is literally what my major is all about! Not only am I gonna be obsessed with my job and all the little kiddos around me, but ill be still in school working towards my bachelors and building onto my resume for a career in teaching at a school! BLESSED. Thats really all there is to say about it! So that just built my week up to an all time high! Then the week followed with my mundane serving job, not so pleasant. But on the bright side of that only a week and a half to go! Whoo Hoo! The week started to wind down with good ole family sundays, and man are those fulfilling! Something about bringing the whole family together and all enjoying each others fellowship that makes my heart smile! :) Well the day was gonna end just perfectly by heading down to the dog park with my LanaRae, and well that didnt really go as planned. Walked in the door to a house enveloped in the smell of straight poop. Gross right?? Yeah tell me about it. Her crate, covered. The walls surrounding her crate, covered. The floor, covered. Lana Rae, covered. All in diarrhea. Ab-sol-ute-ly aw-ful. Honest to goodness I dont know how I managed to not throw up. So we get everything outside and my bright mind decides we’re STILL going to the dog park. I wasnt gonna let the devil ruin my good day/week. So we get in the car and about two solid minutes down the road Lana starts squirtin’ everywhere on my seats. Nasty!! I FREAK OUT, to all of you who know my personality, and start to panic…slowing down, putting on my brakes, swerving all over the road, screaming at lana,,,cause im at this point confused and angered. So as I proceed to abruptly make a u-turn of course lana is just rolling in her matter at this point, continuing to cover herself. Gross, once again! So we get home and I’ve got A MESS to handle. Yeah, this day topped my worse days ever chart! Imagine. Thankfully I had my mom there to hold the walmart bag while I scrubbed and wiped and srcubbed and wiped and used at least two whole rolls of papertowels. Gosh what a day. Thankfully I’m now sitting here, writing to you on my clean sheets, in my clean room, with my clean self, and clean Lana Rae laying next to me! Haha.
Until next time…
Well headed back to good ole knoxville! Goodbye greensboro, thanks for giving us the pleasure of walking your streets, eating at your cutee little diners, and bring us together with our long lost friend Anthropologie. Gosh its just been a little too long since we had seen each other and it was a nice embracement and exchange of goods. I gave her money and she gave me new kitchen goodies! Ahh, so excited! We’re about halfway home and Im already ancy to see my man and my little girl LanaRae!!!! Me and my best friend tay miss our feline companions (AKA best friends/real people) SO MUCH! Time couldn’t go by any slower than it already is! Oooh and just for those of you who haven’t received your tax refunds yet…and still waiting…let me tell you hope is still out there! I JUST received mine (3 weeks later) and gosh is it JOYOUS! haha. Im so excited to finally be able to afford to get things done that have needed to be done. A couple being, a new prescription of contacts&glasses, my LanaRae getting spayed (Eeeeek!), and a much needed oil change! ha. Gosh living the life, i know! But other than the necessities…shopping spree HERE I COME!!!! Urban all the way babyyy! Being my signature store I spend at least a solid $300 buckaroos a year there! A simple treat to myself of course. But me and my boy are hopefully gonna be heading to good ole nashville this week sometime to get some goods! Cant wait! Umm, in other news…we have found a house! Ding ding! Maybe not “the one” but pretty darn perfect for a start! So looking forward to what God has planned for all of us! When there’s a will He makes a way! I trust Him to open the right doors and close the wrong ones! Hmmm, oh and for ya’ll who know my new years resolution…my february’s dinner was a huge success!! Even I liked it! haha. But for march Im struggling with ideas of what to make! It has to be chicken and involve no other meats. So if ya know of any amazing recipes please share!! ope ya’ll have an AMAZING rest of this beautiful sunday and talk to ya soon enough!
GOSH TWO DAYS DOWN AND ONE MORE TO GO WITHOUT MY BABE. HA. SOUND RIDICULOUS…BUT ITS PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS IVE HAD TO DO IN A WHILE. PATHETIC, I KNOW. BUT SO TRUE! HIM AND LANARAE ARE LITERALLY MY LIFFE! I LOVE THEM BOTH SOOO MUCH AND HAVING THAT HALF OF ME MISSING JUST SUCKS. ON A MUCH BRIGHTER AND JOYOUS NOTE, I’VE HAD AN AMAZING WEEKEND SO FAR. GOD HAS MOVED IN MY HEART AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER WOMEN AT THIS CONFERENCE THIS WEEKEND! IT WAS TRULY AN INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE TO BE ABLE TO WATCH TAYLORS MOM, ANGELA THOMAS, MOVE AND SPEAK WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, WISDOM, LIFE, HOPE, AND LOVE INTO MY LIFE! IM SO THANKFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO WITNESS SO MANY LIVES CHANGE. THIS WEEKEND HAS JUST SHOWN ME SO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF. REVEALED GOOD QUALITIES, AND ALSO REVEALED BAD ONES. DAY BY DAY I WILL HOPEFULLY START TO BECOME A BETTER BETTER ME! AND ITS NOTHING BIG, JUST LITTLE THINGS IVE NOTICED ABOUT MYSELF THAT ID LIKE TO CHANGE. ASKING GOD TO HELP ME THE WHOLE WAY. I WANT TO SURRENDER MY HEART AND MY ALL. KNEELING BEFORE THE LORD AND LETTING HIM TAKE CONTROL. I SEEM TO HAVE FADED FROM THAT…SOMEHOW..SOMEWAY. BUT ID LOVE TO GET BACK ON TRACK, FOLLOWING THE LORD, WHAT HE WANTS FOR ME, HIS DESIRES,THE RIGHT DIRECTION, HIS DECISIONS, THE RIGHT DOORS OPENING AND AT THE RIGHT TIME. IT ALL FITS TOGETHER LIKE THIS AMAZING BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE OF A PUZZLE. AND I LOVE IT! AHH…BECOMING MORE AND MORE OBSESSED WITH JESUS!! CANT WAIT TO SHARE ALL MY NEW JOY WITH MY AMAZING SEXY MAN BACK AT HOME! MAYBE…JUST MAYBE WE CAN DO A BIBLE STUDY, OR STUDY BOOK TOGETHER. CAUSE THATS KINDA WHAT IM LOOKIN FOR! WISH ME LUCKK!
Abstract. Abstact. Abstract.
All thats been going through my head.
Over and over and over again.
My last painting is coming up and due tomorrow.
What a little mess of stress it is!
I lovee art but putting a time limit on it just isnt fair.
How can it truly be organic if Im being pressured to make rash decisions in small amounts of time? Crazy!! So other than art only one more final to go and IM DONEEE!! Holla holla. It’s gonna be so nice to just relax, clean the house, wrap presents, shop for christmas, and just enjoy and soak up the holidays! Lovee it! My life seems to be falling into place so perfectly! Living with ryan has been amazing and so much fun! He’s helping me to learn my strengths and my weaknesses. Where I need to work on myself and where I can ask for help. Pride is such a HUGE word in my life. Its so hard for me to let go of being in control…which of course I get from my dad. He’s a control freakk! Not saying its a bad thing, but at the point where you can let someone else help you…its a problem. Idk if cause I’ve always been so independent, but those ways seem to sway right back into my head when its time to get stuff accomplished, or letting him pay. I just cant allow myself to let him do it all himself. CONTROLLING. i know. I want to still have my hands on the reigns and not relinquish anything that makes me seem dependent. Gahh. Workin on it! Soooooooo excited to go to Louisiana!!!! Miss all my family and cant wait for them to all meet LanaRae and Ryan! Eeeek! Gonna be so much fun! Road trips. Christmas. Packing. Joyfulness. Road trips. Snacks. Family. Laughter. Presents! SO GREAT! 11 DAYS AWAY!!