The Comparison Trap.

Always wanting what I don’t have.

Healthy…no. But true.
It’s hard to not get caught up in the whirlwind of one thing after another.
One minute it’s the new iPhone, and in a blink of an eye I have a pup, an apartment, and a basket full of bills. From one thing to the next. And boyyy is it addictive.
A worldly standard at its finest.

And for me, it starts to envelop and weave its way into every little aspect of my life. From something as simple as the way I dress and the color of my hair. Then leaping forward to comparing my relationship status to someone else’s. Most recently I’ve been sucked into this rapid river of lies. The way we spend are free time, the way we’re seen by others, the pace of our relationship. Talk about putting us in a box and sucking all the air out! But having since come to this epiphany, I think I’ve taken a couple steps back and really looked at what I have, where I’ve been, and where I’m striving to go. I can honestly admit that patience is my worst virtue! I mean I just straight up suck at it! Haha. And of course it seems to be fit that patience is one of the key components to love!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1Corinthians 13:4-7

This is what I desire. To be this for him in any and every way! Day by day I’m proven how much my man really does care. How much he loves me, cares about me, and wants to be my best friend for the rest of our lives! He’s been building his trust back from ground up. A whole new foundation and a really a whole new person! He’s affectionate, he’s kind, and responds instead of reacting (for the most part that is) But I can also take fault for losing my temper every now and then! ;) It’s the little kisses, the “i love you’s”, the snuggles for no reason, the flowers, the dinners, the encouragement and man oh man the support! The way we work out problems and overcome struggles. The way we’re growing in Christ and building towards our future! It’s just truly been an incredible and overwhelming past 3 months. Only looking toward all the blessings yet to come! Yah yah, so why worry right?? I guess it’s just the little girl inside of me that’s scared of the past. Scared of “what could happen”. But in no way is that healthy, for me or for us. So here’s to what’s to come, a toast! All the smiles, the laughter, the joy! The rough times, and the hills. I’m ready to take it on with a new perspective. A more positive trusting perspective. I’ve chosen to forgive and look towards the happily ever after I’ve always wanted for us. I know the day is coming, at least I really hope so! Haha. I just gotta be patient and let him do his thing! It hasn’t been easy and I’m sure it won’t get any easier, but I’m ready to take on that challenge. To me it’s all worth it!! Im so ready to take a back seat to God! To give Him full and total control! He has blessed me with SO much up to this point. The least I can do is just trust Him and have faith it’s all in his timing.
A Christian standard at its finest!

Clean House.

Man oh man do I lovee a clean house! Gosh it’s just one of the best feelings in the world. Not only is it the sense of accomplishment that I love…but its also the gratification that I started and finished something that is actually noticeable! The process of making a list, and one by one crossing off all things that are getting done is so satisfying to me! It gets me motivated to get off my lazy bum and actually do stuff with my day! New year, new me is what its all about right?! Ha. Well it really does feel like it. I’ve started waking up sooner and having quit time to myself. So lovely! The morning time in general has this sense of sureness already…on top of my blog and a fresh cup of coffee just puts the perfect start to a great day!
On a different note…recently God has been showing me patience. And can I say it has truly been a struggle. I am probably one of the most impatient people in the world. Gosh its like a curse. But for the life of me I cant stand being still. It just kills me. Soo seeing as how I take forever and and day to get ready to go somewhere, I’ve started to realize how patient my boyfriend is with me. When I talk too fast, or cant hear what he’s saying…he calmly and sweetly will say it again or ask me what I was trying to say. Coincidence? I think not! I seems as though God has perfectly timed my asking with His making me aware of how much He truly is showing me. His grace, love, and mercy is abundantly surrounding me and it’s AMAZING!! Other than usual Im off to work in couple of hours and school starts in a week. Eeek! Gosh time flys. One more week of spontaneous craziness! Lehhgo!

BABE CRAZE.

Oh my goodness! This is ridiculous and I need to stop! I’m literally baby CRAZYY! AHH,,,HELP! I wanna have morning sickness and watch my belly grow and hold it as it gets bigger! I want to clichely rest my arms on top of my stomach as I watch GLEE & modern family! I want to waddle around. I want to dress in cute maternity clothes. I want to buy precious adorable baby clothes as I picture what my child will look like! I wanna sit in the house while it raining outside and just rock my babe to sleep! I wanna talk to my stomach and say cute things and listen to the heartbeat bounce up and down. I want lay on the couch and just gaze at my man holding and embracing his new little creation! I want cute photography family portraits in grassy fields! I want a dang baby soooo bad. And why? Well that’s a darn good question! A…I would need a baby daddy, or better yet a husband. Yeah thats it, a husband! haha. But first I gotta start as simple as a boyfriend. Uhh, thats where the problem lies. Why is it that I’m bout to finish my sophomore year of college and still have yet to have a legit boyfriend? And by boyfriend I’m talking…someone who asks me out/it’s official/we’re dating/dinner & movies/holding hands/ actual emotions/hooking up/ THE WHOLE SHAA-BANG! Not just the last one….so sad. my life needs to get it together in the boy department. it’s lagging big time. I feel like it’s not me though. I seriously put myself out there and be myself. I laugh. I fight. I flirt. eh,,,not so much on the flirting. haha. its just not my thing! I mean don’t get me wrong I wish it was…but it’s most definitely not! So that’s now my new thing FLIRTING! haha. however the heckk I can. it’s on!

precious.