life’s hard. i’ll live, it just sucks.
Sometimes it feels like people are just role playing. Actually that everyone’s role playing. Life’s one big performance and everyone is picking anc choosing their parts. Like they have decided in their head who they want to be. Not who they actually are…but a combination of images, personalities and characteristics that they think themselves to be. What they wish they were, or what they have deceived themselves into actually being. When does it all stop? The lies. The fakeness. The confusion. It MUST be tiring. Sometimes they start to forget what day it is and the personality they’re supposed to be playing. Which then creates more confusion to the person watching it all fall apart. Do they know we know? That some days they are the put together, got it all under control dont need your help role…then turn around later that day and are needy, never can do it, please help me role. It’s quite complicated. Maybe they dont even realize it happening. That they are playing the role of someone that they are not. It just seems so wrong. Like trying to fit a square in a circle, or a puzzle piece in the space of another piece. Is it cause they dont know they have a purpose? That they were created they were created for a reason! There’s a bigger plan than us. And it all works together perfectly! Oh well…I guess I’ll just let them be who they wanna pretend to be until it all starts to become mundane. A life living for nothing. Emptiness. Sadness. Depression. Let’s hope we arrive to that point soon! Or else…there might not be enough time!
So I’m in love with old people! Ha, for real though…just seeing old couples or even the ones who all already on their own, just makes my heart melt! The whole journey of becoming old kinda scares me though. The thought of being at the point in my life where I just pause, relax, look back on memories, and enjoy time with the grandkids,,,all my goals accomplished..Is crazy to even fathom. But at the same time, it’s kind of a sense of security. Knowing your at the point in life where (hopefully) you’ve done everything you wanted to do and you’re practically days away from heaven! Ahh, so exciting! Anyways…back to my point of this post. Three old ladies came into pei wei today all around the ages of 65-79 idk. Its hard to tell these days! Ha but the first lady ordered and went along her way to the table, the second lady was so precious, she was the oldest of the three and was so tiny and brittle. I literally could’ve thrown her over my shoulder and carried her home. Haha. She hesitantly and cautiously ordered thinking long and hard about each item she wanted and how she wanted it prepared. Which usually I hate, but GOD’s graciously been working in ME and changing my heart to be more patient! So in this case I was kind, still, and just tried to help her make the best decision possible. Once she was satisfied with the final order I rattled off the total and she seemed clueless. She wasn’t quite sure how to react to the total of 4.37 seeing as how off that whole menu all she wanted were two crab wontons and a cup of soup. She scrambled through her purse looking for some sort of payment, then the third lady in their party stepped up and said, “I got it mom, don’t worry bout it, you can just pay me later.” My first thoughts were awhh, that’s precious. A daughter who is then able to start repaying her mom for all she has done in her life by taking care of her. To shuffle the cards and swap roles seems to be such a gratifying experience. They begin to head towards their table very slowly, short small steps with arms wrapped around each others sides. As I start to greet the next couple in line, the third lady turns around and walks back to the cashier stand. I think oh no, I did something wrong or forgot something. She walked up real close and said, “thank you so much for your patience, I honestly don’t know one person today that has sincerely been patient with her. She was diagnosed with cancer an hour ago and the doctor said there was nothing that they could do about it. It was caught too late, so she’s really scared.” I was in awe. Eyes filled up with tears, and I don’t cry…it was so humbling for her to come back and tell me that. I watched along with the next couple in line as the old ladies made their way to the drinks. For a moment I was so sympathetic and sad for the lady because her life will soon end. A statement like that can change so many lives! Not only the person it affects directly but also the people who surround that person. What’s even worse is that I was worried and overwhelmed by the fact that she was about to face death,,,not that she’s about to face Jesus! Like this is her moment, her judgment day, her happy or sad ending. Why is that not my first concern? If she knows Christ or not, or whether she knows that there’s a heaven and a hell. Instead of trying to pursue her relationship with Jesus like the Christ-follower I say I am, I stood back and watched her shaken and scared. I pray that God gives me a sense or urgency in moments like that, when literally every second counts!