PICTURE this…

Well, well, well….it’s been quite a bit since I’ve talked to you! Ha. Life has been so crazy, exciting, happy, sad, JOYFUL, emotional, and mostly exhausting. I haven’t really been living true to my tattoo and PAUSEing. Ugh, it can just be so hard…when everything else surrounding you is go go go go. I feel like no matter what Im always trying to catch up! Thank JESUS it is finally summer!!!! Yayy! Ahh, what a blessing in itself! So sundays around here are family days, and man do i LOVE sundays. I could cry right now thinking about it…they’re so joyful and happy, and careless, and an abundance of never-ending loveeee!! It fills my heart with all the missing pieces from throughout the week, the true meaning of family kicks in and everyone comes together to just BE. whether it be just watching tv in the same room, or catching up on weekly stories, grilling out, playing board games, or even(i cant believe im saying this) disc golfing together…no matter the activity it brings my family even closer together and fills my heart with love and compassion and support, in which i need all! I think i might be going through a rough patch in my life. Now dont fret, its nothing to worry bout, stop that,,, i can see you worrying through my computer screen!! haha. mom. but just a spot in my life where Jesus is trying to bring be to a better and closer relationship with Him, and in order to do so Im being tested, drilled, questioned….how bad do you want Me? How bad do you want this? how bad to you want others to join with us in My Kingdom? Gosh, and when Jesus brings a challenge the devil sends an army. he wont win. he never does. My God is STRONGER than all of this!! And the best part is He’s on MY SIDE! :) HA! take that. But really,,,it’s been a struggle…but I will make it through all of this, its just hard right now! I feel like ive been someone who im not and apologize to all those who know me and love me. Im not trying to hurt you or push you away, its just been hard. And the devil CAN and WILL find any way to destroy anything good in my life. And i know im not fighting this alone, but sometimes it feels like it. so its hard to take anyones perspective cause they dont know what Im going through. Ahh, gosh, life on earth….such a joke. I cant waitttt to be in heaven! No worries, no stress, just JESUS! gonna be GLORIOUS!! SO while you’ve been gone, LOTS has happened.
PICTUREEEE TIMEEE!

We had a birthday,
MY BEST FRIENDDDS BIRTHDAYY!
TAYS 22 BIRTHDAYWISHES.
the JIMMY(mycar) broke

LanaRae got spayed.
Look at her all INNOCENT!
INNOCENT. my food for april was chicken quesadillas,homemade guacamole,
and homemade banana pudding! mhmm, yeah is right! i hope your mouth is watering! haha.

GUACAMOLE.

BANANA PUDDING.QUESADILLAS.
we had a doggie pool day, and gosh was it sooo much funn!!

I got new TOMS!!
YAYYY!
I rearranged my room!

ME & TAY HAD MUSTACHE ADVENTURES!!!

hahahahaha. bustedd.our mustache wall!
and of course everyday with this guy makes me smile even MORE! :)
couldn't be more BLESSED!

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IF ONLY…

If only I could freeze time.
If only I could start all over.
If only I could change the past…
But I can.
It’s not totally hopeless.
Things can be changed.
Things can be altered.
I can choose what I want,
and when I want it.
I just wish I had done things different.
I wish I had done things right.
I know everything seems so perfect,
but its really not.
I want to be home.
Surround and wrapped by comfort and love.
I want to be somewhere where nothing can touch me.
Thats why I have my best friend.
His name is Jesus.
He saves ME.
He lifts ME up.
He carries ME.
He holds MY hand.
He walks with ME.
He listens to ME.
He leads and guides ME,
to the places I need to be
and the steps I need to go
He shows ME what to do,
He shelters ME.
And all I need is HIM.
So why do I fill my heart with the things of this world.
The distractions, the chaos the clutter.
Its just empty hollow meaningless things.
Until you find His JOY!
Ahh HIS JOY!
It’s a bountiful, never-ending, ceaseless glow.
It can fill a room and envelop a space.
It goes wherever I go.
It leads me to those who are lost,
seeking to be found!
And fills their hearts with a KNOWN happiness!!
It brings me tears!
It brings me laughter!
It brings me…
HOPE
JOY
PEACE
COMFORT
LOVE
And smiles all around!
I honestly don’t know what I’d do without HIM.
If only…
It was the same for everyone else.

In His Arms.

In his arms I feel safe, in his arms I feel comfort, in his arms I feel strength, in his arms I feel love. Rushing through me from my emotions in my head to the tips of my tippy toes. Laying there I cant imagine wanting to be in anywhere else…but in his arms. It’s as if nothing else matters anymore, as if the world has paused for a moment and all is calm. As I’m bundled and perfectly molded to fit in his shapes and curves of sleep I feel like nothing can hurt me. That there is no darkness. There is no devil. And nothing is able to scare me. For those reading this who dont know me, Im very much afraid of fear, of darkness, and of anything that could possibly resemble an evil thing of this world. Whether it be a scary movie I watch or even just bits and pieces of a commercial for a scary movie…I just cant take it. That’s when HIS arms are around me telling me that He is there and He is my savior!

“The Lord will watch over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy” Psalm 145:20

So back on a positive note…Im just growing closer and closer to Ryan. At times there are faults, but I think thats just part of getting closer to someone. I start to find out more and more about him and then I get comfortable and realize his strengths, his weaknesses, what makes him mad, what makes him happy and use all those new found facts in ways that aren’t even intentional. Some can be good, and some are bad. But all together I lovee him so much and am so happy that I have him by my side. He never ceases to make me happy and constantly smiling. Yeah everyone has their moments of failing.But I just gotta look past all that and see how much the good days outweigh the bad or just so so days. With tax return coming up anytime now I couldnt be more EXCITED!!! Ahh time to treat myself, finally. Haha. Also my 21 BIRTHDAY!! Gosh, right around the corner. Hello World! Last great birthday till Im over the hill. Ha. Lets make it good! :) Other than all that craziness Im hoping to get off work to go to a conference with my best friendd/roommate taylor! Its her mom speaking in north carolina! ding ding! Girl time/sleepovers/retail therapy/cute coffee shops/downtown/poloroid pictures. Can you say HOLLA! Oh speaking of job, I got a new one! At a sports bar called Double Dogs! T-shirt, jeans, sneaks, and my NOSE PIERCING! Finallyyyy! Gosh I missed that sucker. Getting it re-pierced this sunday, thank sweet baby Jesus! But pretty excited about the new atmosphere, but a tiny but nervous. So here’s to my second day training!
Ya’ll have an AMAZINGG DAY!
PAUSE and let you light SHINE!
<3 <3 <3

Here’s to life!

Man oh man…
Well life sure has been interesting!
We’ve all been up and we’ve all been down.
Happy moments and crying ones.
God has to truly be moving in all of our lives…
Recently me and my roommate taylor have started her moms new book called Choosing Joy! Gosh, such an incredible blessing that devotional has been! Each day we’ve learned to keep our heads up and not let the things of this world get us down! The little anger moments, or ungrateful moments, or moments where people can be so rude, hateful, or mean. Those are all the moments where the devil has a open door to just come in and steal all our joy! It’s been so hard. The Lord is getting to do something BIG and I cant wait to see what it is! The devil has been testing us and its literally been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life! I can’t so it alone either! With the support and fellowship and my best friends and my boyfriend I’ve been slowly dragging myself through the past couple of days! To put things into perspective…lets start with my best friend taylors roommate moved out. Yepp, the one who moved in to where I could live with Ryan. Well she’s gone now and it feels like all hell is braking loose! Drama drama drama, is all I have to say…for now at least! Long story really short, she is now gone and Im moving back in with taylor, Leaving Ryan alone. But thankfully not alone anymore, one of his good buddies is moving and and hopefully will turn out for the best! When I say best I mean not get on each others last nerve and live peacefully within the same confines. But so far so good. I have successfully moved all my things over and his new roommate is slowly moving all his stuff in! Cha-chingg! holla. All is good again right? HA. yeah right. Work has been awful! No business, so slow, and making little to no money. Getting cut after only being there for an hour and only having one table just sucks. Or having to be there all night and close and getting stiffed twice. You pick…either or both suck. How bout we talk about how incredibly hard it has been on my heart moving out! Holy moly good gracious alive! Its almost as if I had lost my boyfriend, best friends, and every loving family member…thats how bad. Im not sure why its not just easy to go back to the way it was before, but moving in with him just made us that much closer. I feel like it made us closer, stronger, and more loving as a couple. And now that Im having to leave that it feels like my hearts just being ripped out. Or that Im losing my best friend. Thankfully God has been there through all of this and setting aside my emotional wreck I will be fine and we will both get through this stronger than we were before! Its just gonna take time, and support. As much as its gonna suck, I think in the end we will be so much happier. And not to mention we still live right next door and are getting a house within the next 6 months. Crazy right? so I think I can manage…maybe. Ha.

So with this joyful looking forward attitude…I would like to say that I cant wait to be living with taylor! Now that we’ve experienced living with others, its now time to put our situation back to the test! Except this time more prepared than before! We know more about each other and our ways and I feel like we’re on the same page again! Holla holla. Thank Jesus for friends! I cant wait to have girls night, sleepovers every night, friends, gossip girl, pretty little liars, paint our nails and straighten our hair,you name it and thats us! So now not only are we reuniting but so are our precious little ones! LanaRae and Bentley are SO excited! Ha. Playtime all the time!

So cross your fingers and say a prayer for us! Cause this is gonna be one heck of a ride…

ABSTRACT.

Abstract. Abstact. Abstract.
All thats been going through my head.
Over and over and over again.
Gosh.
My last painting is coming up and due tomorrow.
What a little mess of stress it is!
I lovee art but putting a time limit on it just isnt fair.
How can it truly be organic if Im being pressured to make rash decisions in small amounts of time? Crazy!! So other than art only one more final to go and IM DONEEE!! Holla holla. It’s gonna be so nice to just relax, clean the house, wrap presents, shop for christmas, and just enjoy and soak up the holidays! Lovee it! My life seems to be falling into place so perfectly! Living with ryan has been amazing and so much fun! He’s helping me to learn my strengths and my weaknesses. Where I need to work on myself and where I can ask for help. Pride is such a HUGE word in my life. Its so hard for me to let go of being in control…which of course I get from my dad. He’s a control freakk! Not saying its a bad thing, but at the point where you can let someone else help you…its a problem. Idk if cause I’ve always been so independent, but those ways seem to sway right back into my head when its time to get stuff accomplished, or letting him pay. I just cant allow myself to let him do it all himself. CONTROLLING. i know. I want to still have my hands on the reigns and not relinquish anything that makes me seem dependent. Gahh. Workin on it! Soooooooo excited to go to Louisiana!!!! Miss all my family and cant wait for them to all meet LanaRae and Ryan! Eeeek! Gonna be so much fun! Road trips. Christmas. Packing. Joyfulness. Road trips. Snacks. Family. Laughter. Presents! SO GREAT! 11 DAYS AWAY!!

In the arms of love.

Gosh, I’ve just been showered with blessings these past couple days! SO much has changed. For better, for worse…I’m loving it all! God has started moving my life in this new direction that has truly been AMAZING! School is going along smoothly and work is…well work is work! ha. For some reason its been so dead. Idk if people are just starting to eat healthy or dont have the money to go out, but its not looking too good for my bank account.  Ha sad day. On the flip side though there is this boy. :) Unlike any other boy that I’ve come across. Crazy right? I thought they were all the same. He’s been sweet,caring, thoughtful, observant…im sure I could keep going. But i’ll save you the time, who wants to hear all that mushy nonsense. Ha not me…thats for sure. But somehow i’ve gotten over that wall. A lot of walls actually. It’s crazy how i’ve only known him for like 2 weeks and it feels like years. I’ve been so happy!! I can’t quite seem to wrap my head around what it is that gets me. His personality, his looks, his charm? But when I’m not with him I get so excited to be with him, then the second I’m with him I’m nervous. Is this how all this works?! That turning in your stomach that wont go away. Haha. Its definitely different, but a good different! Im used to having this empty feeling, like playing a role that leads to a dead end. And now that road is like boundless compassion. I can feel God walking beside me through this, it all seems to feel so right. But at the same time my flesh wants to be scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of feeling alone. Scared of allowing someone else to know me. It starts to make me push away, creating distance. I’ve noticed small things that are slowly starting to change though, which has been awesome! It feels so good to not care and just let go. But I dont want to lose control. I like being independent. Not having to respond to anyone. Its more of a pride thing. I can straight up tell you that my pride is definitely up there! It has a mind of its own and does what it wants. Kinda scary. I know I need to lay that down, but its so hard. To humble yourself before Christ and give it all to Him. Thats what we do with prayer isn’t it? Why is it so complicated for me to do it with my life.

Morning Dew.

Well…currently 6:15Am and I am wide awake. A miracle right? Haha. For some odd reason I cant go back to bed. Its cool though, I dont get to see the world at this time of day much often. The walls are slowly starting to turn a light shade of blue as the sun creeps its way into my room. And the ambiance of birds are getting louder and clearer as time passes. Not gonna lie, I kinda love this! I’ve got that messy morning look goin on and a fresh brewed vanilla coffee in my lap. Which by the way…best coffee I’ve made to date in this new house! Yumm! Ha. But right now life seems to be easy. Like I can handle anything. Or more like an innocence to this day! The world doesn’t look harsh. It looks mild, calm, and sort of fully rested in a weird kinda way! And of all things a red robin just landed on my window sill. Idk how often all of you see a red robin, but in my case its practically never! Ha. So in the rare chance that I do…it seems like a little glimpse of God in my life! Let me enlighten you…In my old small group we would start off by talking about kisses from the King. And when I say kisses from the King I mean a little reminder that God is watching over us, or something that He did in our week to get our attention and let us know that He is there! For me, a red robin has always been one of those things! Even though they are just a bird, let’s go beyond that fact and look at how I see them. To me they are incredible! Not a common bird. One who leads and not follows. They are strong birds. They sit perched watching all the other birds with their chest up and head out. Like a watchman. Always alert and aware. And their color, so vibrant, so noticeable! It dares you to look and awe at the fact that God could have made such a beautiful creature! I know, I know…its a bird! But to me it reminds me of who God wants me to be! How he wants me to respond. How He wants me to lead. So with my kiss from the King today I hope you go out having a GREAT day and notice your kiss from the KIng this week! Please share as a comment if you care to!

Gracious Giver.

Lord lift me higher, bring me into your presence! Your mercy, your grace, your hope, your peace. Work in me. Use me and teach me. I long to draw closer to you! I can do all things through you who gives me strength. When I’m weak, you pick me up. When I’m broken, you love me. Unconditionally. Unfold your love in my life. Help me to be patient and kind. Humble and strong. I long to desire you! Be my strong tower. Your grace is pouring out into my life…over and abundant! Im ready to live the joyful life you have laid out before me. I want to follow in your footsteps and be who you made me to be! I want to shine that light you lit in me! Be my savior, be my father!

FOREVER.

Who I wanna be and who I am.
two completely different people.
I seem to be stuck in the grey area.
I was always told that area is no good,,,
to  stay where I could be seen by others.
to be encouraged, to be loved.
why do I keep straying away.
I’m in LOVE with this man named Jesus.
he brings me hope. joy. peace. and love enduring forever.
who would ever ask for more?
I strive to live in the light of Christ.
to be like Him, to care like Him, to love like Him.
I’m trying my hardest to not fall.
only HE can give me strength.
its so tough at times.
but its those times that I’ve always come out stronger.
I tend to walk the narrow path.
it’s longer.
but I know it’ll take me to where I need to be.
it’ll watch over me.
like a guardian angel.
protect me from the fear.
my fear is the darkness.
I cant take it.
thats when I call His name.
when the lights are off and Im too myself.
to save me from this world.
it feels like forever.
but I know He’s there.
and I know He cares.
the morning will come soon enough.
and that light will shine so bright that everyone will see,
the joy in my heart that will forever be!

Baby it’s cold outside!

So the semester has been up and going and the fall months are finally here! I love the summer…long days, the lake, catchin some rays, but I’m also in love with the cold months too. Coffee dates, hot chocolate, brownies and baking cookies are some of the best nights. Along with bundling up in a cute scarf and sitting under a cozy blanket all snuggled up by the fire! I love the changing of the leaves as I go down some of my favorite streets and the smell of bonfires all around. I get simple joy out of listening to christmas carols and jazz as the smell of banana bread muffins fill the kitchen and rooms.  For some reason the cold weather just puts me a great mood! Life is better and I always seem to be happy. Happiness is bliss and laugher=happiness. Idk but for some reason christmas, thanksgiving and all the days in between seem to bring a smile to most peoples’ faces. My goal this semester is to be carefree and crazyy! I want to live life on the edge like there’s no tomorrow. And be able to make other people smile. Why stress when I have nothing to stress about?

ROMANS 5:1-5

“Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” ROMANS 5:1-5

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” MATTHEW 6:34